what to do when grief consumes you?

Grief can feel overwhelming. It can feel like we don’t have control over ourselves, like walking in a fog. We all experience grief in our lives, although it is something we want to avoid. There is no specific way to grieve; we all grieve differently. Unfortunately, for some of us, grief consumes us and takes us into darkness. 

COMPLICATED GRIEF

It has been said that time heals all wounds; grief is supposed to be one of those things. However, time can make the loss feel more and more unbearable, and the grieving never stops. Clinically speaking, the feelings and emotions from the grief do not lessen over the expected time frame. Complicated grief prevents us from moving on and learning how to manage our lives after the loss. There is not a mandatory amount of time for us to get through our grief; however, the best determining factors of complicated grief are when we can no longer function in our daily lives. A life with any of these behaviors constitutes being consumed by grief. 

When we are:

• unable to return to work
• isolating ourselves from our loved ones 
• sleep most of our days away to forget the loss or dream about our loved one 
• turning to drugs or alcohol to cope 
• having thoughts of suicide to avoid the pain or to be with our loved one

If you have been experiencing any suicidal thoughts, reach out for help immediately. You can reach the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

OVERCOMING GRIEF

Acceptance

It may feel impossible or even outright wrong, but our lives will continue without our loved one. The first step is to acknowledge and accept the notion that it is ok to move on with life and be happy again. We have to allow there to be an ending to our grief. Sometimes we fear that if we move on or be happy, we forget or do not love our lost loved one.  When we live life to the fullest, we honor our lost loved one, and they live on through us. 

Grieve

We have actually to give ourselves the right to grieve. The five stages of grief, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, are part of the grieving process. When we get stuck, we are stuck in one stage and can’t allow for the next emotion. The stages are fluid and can happen in any order; however, it is easier to move on to experience each stage and move forward. 

Get Help

Some things are just too hard to handle on our own. It is ok to reach out to loved ones, medical professionals, and mental health professionals for help to overcome our grief. Many times just talking to someone about our pain or our lost loved one can ease the grief. Sometimes medication prescribed by a doctor can lessen the blow of all the extreme emotions. There are also times when we deal with something else besides just grieving, like depression or anxiety. No matter the reason, grief is not something we have to fight alone.