Why am I crying and depressed over my lost photos?

I changed job recently. I am a teacher. I worked in this school for almost 6 years and had a great relationship with everyone. My colleagues and my students. I was so attached to my students. During vacations, I was recommended by a friend to another school that offered me an opportunity to grow and get more training. I decided to try it. So I had to leave my former students and there was no goodbyes. I knew since it was the holidays, I may not get to see them anymore. So anytime I miss them, I looked at our pictures, our videos and I smile.
My new school was challenging but I knew I made the right move for my professional growth.
I also had to prove myself. I used to be sad sometimes thinking my new working environment is challenging and I may not be able to cope.
Weeks ago, I lost a lot of pictures I took with/of my former students after a factory reset of my phone. Unfortunately I had no backup.
That's where I started breaking down. I cry almost every time, I stopped eating, I don't feel hungry. I struggle to get out of bed every morning to go to work. I have lost interest in everything. I just look forward to closing time to go home and crawl into my bed.
I lost other pictures from the reset, but I don't think of them. It's the ones with my former students that I miss so much. Sometimes I remember a particular picture and I cry. What is wrong with me? What should I do?
Asked by Maya
Answered
11/10/2022

Hi, 

Thank you for reaching out with your question. It sounds like you are having a really tough time and I can feel how hurt you are about losing the photographs. 

It feels, to me, as though you are grieving the old job and the people involved. Because you didn't get the chance to say goodbye, there was no closure on these relationships and ultimately this could make the grief worse. We always think of grief as losing a person when they die, however, grief can come in all forms.

The quick change of your job and no goodbye will result in shock and grief in your emotional system. Those photos were the only attachment you had left of that relationship, and now they have gone, which has ultimately allowed the grief to be all-consuming and overwhelming and take over your daily life.  

To help with these emotions, take one day at a time. When you notice your emotions about this surfacing, pay attention to them and make space for them, which will help you to cope with them. Also, speaking to someone about how you are feeling may help. A friend, partner, colleague or therapist. Creating space to talk about your emotions will help them to flow through you so you are not stuck with them. 

You could also try and focus on the positives and not the loss. Those students, who you had a good relationship with, were able to flourish in school and this is a positive thing that you made happen by being their teacher. Focusing on the loss of those photos, rather than the positive relationships you had will enhance the grief. Try switching this to thinking about the positive times you had in the school, and the new memories you will make enriching the lives of students in your new role. 

Your new job may seem more challenging because you may be comparing it to the old one. It seems you were very settled and happy at the old job and focusing on the loss of that, could make the new one seem much harder as you are comparing the two. 

I think allowing yourself time to grieve the loss will allow you to create healthy feelings toward the loss. This then might help with your new job going forward. 

I hope this helps. If you need any further guidance, please speak to someone, we are here for you at BetterHelp.