Why aren't I finding the right friend or boyfriend? Why aren't I moving forward in life?

I'm battling physically and mentally and financially why is that? How do I change my situation? Why does my family dislike me? I am tired and depressed all the time and feel stuck where I am because of finances. I lost a loved one and my mom recently and think about them all the time. I'm alone at home 98 percent of the time. I'm soo lonely but people don't want to hang out with me.
Asked by Samy
Answered
11/14/2022

Hello,

Hearing all of this, I would suggest seeking out a professional therapist. I think one reason is there are multiple pieces shared that would warrant its own time to process. Based on what you shared it makes sense you feel lonely and confused. I think loneliness hits harder than just being sad and often times we will wait for others rather than asking to spend time with others and maybe you do and are reaching out frequently. It sounds like major losses in your life all around and sometimes our psychological wellbeing plummets as a result. It makes sense you may be having a hard time holding up the financial end, physical and mental parts of your life based on what you've been going through. What I can help is start to guide you on how to change your situation. 

The first step is noticing that you don't want the reality that is right now. There are pieces of your reality you do need to accept and others that we may need to push for change on. It's often easier to blame the world than take accountability for our own actions. This doesn't disregard the amount of loss or loneliness you experienced- those are valid and I want this to be a place where both acceptance and change can be an option in your life.

I may start off with this... 

What are your life worth living goals? This question is asking where do you see yourself going in a positive light? This is value-based or things you cherish about your life and want to or are moving towards. I usually use these six categories when brainstorming ideas of life worth living goals i.e. relationships, hobbies, mental and physical health, finances, spiritual and career. All are important to look at and it's important to write it specific enough that it's tangible this next year and feels clear on where you want to go. An example may be I want to increase my social circle to have a few friends to hangout with, mental health may be give time to grieve my losses. The finances may be making sure I'm working the hours I need to work and balancing work/life also.

I hope this helps give you a start and I would recommend seeking out a therapist to process through all of this. It'll take more time than one post to work through what's going on currently.

Best Regards,

Mitchell Daas, MA, LPCC

(MA, LPCC)