Will grief ever go away?

                Thank you for your question, reader. Grieving significant losses can be so painful that it can feel like we may never be able to come out of the darkness again. We tend to grieve things most deeply the more intertwined they are with the activities of our daily lives because our lives are so significantly changed by the loss. When someone or something that we lose has been very central to our lives, almost everything we do in a day reminds of us of its absence. These reminders trigger the intense emotional reactions that we feel in grief. Over time, as our daily lives go on, we do develop a “new normal” and adjust to a different routine without the presence of the person or other thing that is no longer there. This adjustment can lessen the intensity of the loss that we feel. There is no magical timeline for how long this will take. In fact, some grief specialists have found that the amount of time that goes by is less important than what grievers are doing during a period of time that contributes to healing.

                If we engage in certain practices or activities that contribute to us avoiding our natural grief-related emotions and thoughts, for example, we do not allow ourselves the opportunity to heal naturally. This is a good argument against numbing our feelings out with alcohol or other drugs or doing other things to try to suppress or ignore them. As difficult as it can be to feel the sadness, anger, confusion, or other negative emotions related to grief, when we honor and acknowledge our feelings, we help to take away their power over us. There is certainly nothing abnormal or wrong with experiencing grief. In order to help ourselves heal, in a sense we have to make peace with the grief itself by telling ourselves that it is normal to not be “normal” for a while. With healthy ways to express our feelings and get support for them, the sorrow will lessen over time. Healing from grief is not about forgetting the cherished memories associated with the person or time of your life that is no longer present. Healing is about letting go of the pain associated with the memories and allowing yourself to fully participate in a new version of your life. Participating in short-term grief counseling can be helpful for grievers who need some added support.