Are guilt and shame the same thing?

Even though we use the words “shame” and “guilt” somewhat interchangeably, they aren’t the same in terms of source or impact from the psychological standpoint.

Shame researcher Brene Brown outlines their difference in one of her viral Ted Talks by stating, “Guilt is, ‘I did something bad, and shame is, ‘I am bad.’”

The same action can result in feelings of shame and guilt. If we wheel into a parking spot ahead of someone else and then see that person we took the spot from struggling to get two small children out of her car in the rain, we might think, “I really caused her some problems, I shouldn’t have done that,” which is guilt. We may also think, “I’m such a jerk,” which is a shame. Guilt involves realizing we’ve harmed someone else, and shame involves feelings about ourselves.

There is a difference, but does it matter? In therapy, the difference clearly matters. Guilt can be a powerful emotion that prompts us to examine how our actions impact others, correct errors, grow, and change. In that way, guilt can be a helpful emotion in some instances. Shame that is present, a constant message of how bad we are playing in our heads may actually prevent growth by creating the belief that we are so bad we’re beyond the ability to do good or change.

Clearly, neither of these emotions are pleasant to experience. Identifying sources of shame can be helpful toward the long-term recovery of many different issues, healing how we see ourselves, how we interact with others, and how we are present with those who matter most to us. Understand guilt allows asking ourselves what we’re responsible for and what matters most – we can evaluate whether we’re taking responsibility for things that aren’t ours with our guilt and release things we have no control over and change the ones we do.

If you experience feelings of guilt and shame, talking with your therapist can be a great way to start the process of changing how you think about both by learning to identify them and processing their sources.