How can I even help myself get rid of all the negative emotions from my past that I still carry now?

Growing up I was physically and mentally abused by my mom. And bec of that I have not learn how to healthily express myself when I’m angry or disagree on something. Oftentimes I found myself overreacting and end up regretting my actions and felt heavily guilty about it.
Asked by Riza
Answered
12/05/2021

Thank you for asking this question. Growing up in a physically and mentally abusive home can have a great impact on our lives. Abuse causes self-esteem issues, communications issues, anger, isolation, and inappropriate relationship connections. What you describe as overreacting, regretting your actions, and feeling guilt are a way you are attempting to address conflict and your emotions. Consider that you have to vocalize out loud, what has happened to you growing up and start the process of healing. I would like you to consider that 69% of conflict cannot be resolved and that we have to manage conflict. That means that most conflict in our lives is perpetual and it may not change. That means that we have to manage conflict even with the people that is close to us and people that hurt us the most. This can start with accepting the way people are and putting boundaries around your emotions. Emotional boundaries start with telling someone how you feel with "I Statements" expressing how they have hurt you and what you like from them. Boundaries are very important in protecting your emotions and attempting to maintain a relationship with the one that has offended you, if you want to maintain that relationship. I would encourage you when you become angry to always use "I statements" I feel hurt when you did that to me. This will allow the person that you are angry with, to recognize where they have hurt you and also it may not lead to you become extremely angry and lead to you saying or doing something that you regret. No one can argue with you on how you feel. Expressing yourself in "I Statements" keep you from blaming or critizing the other person. Also, stay away from "You" statement, because "You" statements, put the other person on the defense and will cause verbal arguments. I hope these tips help you with your anger and help you express yourself and maintain a relationship with the other person, without regrets. I am here, if you would like to continue counseling and would like to discuss your concerns some more.

(MSW, LCSW)