How do you move on from a mistake you made in the past?

I’ve given up my baby following behind my partners wants. It has been hard to move on and forgive myself as is and now it’s even harder because now that I am trying to have another I haven’t been able to conceive. And now I dislike the fact of even being around people with kids out of jealousy. I want to move on but it’s been so hard.
Asked by Bonnie
Answered
12/05/2021

This is a difficult situation with no easy answers.  Forgiveness will ease the pain of the loss of your first child and free you to be open to the possibility of another and acceptance of other children.  You may mistakenly believe that your current situation is a sign of not being forgiven for the abortion.  I wish to say that God forgives human errors notwithstanding the motive or intent as long as one's current intent is repentance and an intent not to repeat the same error.  Many times people tell me that an inability to become pregnant is a sign they are sinful and unforgiven.  This is a conclusion inconsistent with biblical tenets.  I would suggest it sounds as though your heart has hardened under the pain of your abortion and that is shown in your jealousy of others with children.  
I believe it is time to work through the 4 stages of forgiveness. Forgiving yourself is the door to opening you to release your mind and body from its prison of trauma-related pain.  Forgiveness is a decision to overcome the pain that was inflicted by another, in this case, your partner who wanted you to have the abortion.  Letting go of anger, resentment, and other emotions associated with injustice even though they are reasonable feelings.  Treating the offender, with compassion even though they're not entitled to it.  
Forgiveness is not reconciliation.  One neither repairs nor returns what was taken away - in this case, the pregnancy.  Forgetting is not required.  You may and should remember the injustice to prevent a recurrence.  One neither excuses nor condones the perpetrator's behavior.  No legal mercy is afforded the perpetrator.  He made his choices and supported his expectations.  One is not asked to let go of what one's partner did while one personally is wishing for revenge.  Your partner carries his responsibility for his involvement while you forgive yourself.
There are four phases to forgiveness.  These are phrases you would be guided through.  The phases involve uncovering, decision making, working through, and deepening one's meaning and understanding.  Uncovering - reveal the factual details to improve your understanding not only of the facts of the injustice but also its heinous impact on your life.  Making a decision whether or not to choose or reject forgiveness as an option based on your knowledge and deeper understanding of the facts.  Working to understand the offender in a new way so that positive feelings are allowed concerning the offender and oneself.  Decreasing the negative emotions associated with the injustice so that you can discern meaning in the events and visualize your growth since the abortion.

There is clearly work to be done to clarify your view of the facts so that you can adopt self-forgiveness.

(Psy.D., LISW-CP/S, CACII)