Is it my fault for all the bad things that have happened?

My life has been nothing but suffering and hurt.
I don’t know what’s my fault…
Like my dad was gone a lot and my younger self DIDNT understand but now I do… but I still feel this way.
Asked by T

This is a common question that many people ask. It is not your fault that bad things have happened to you. The first thing one should consider doing is examining the situations that have happened to them in life and try to look at it from different points of view. To address this you have to first look at it from a different perspective. Meaning, bad things have happened but that doesn't mean those bad things have to shape your future.  What I mean by that is you can own that something bad happened to you but that does not give a reason for life to bad all the time or that one has to live thinking that every time I turn around it something bad happens to me because bad situations follow me.

It is time to change your mindset, by exploring the bad things and understanding that the past is the past doesn't mean it didn't happen but that it doesn't have to continue to determine what happens now. Your father made choices that were wrong because they harmed you but those were his decisions. This is not easy because you are now letting go of the responsibility that this bad event was not caused by you or not your fault. When we can change our mindset it allows us to see the event differently and place responsibility on the individual who made the choice. If dad was the one that made a negative decision. Then it should be my Dad made a negative decision that hurt me. Now you are unpacking the pain and recognizing that you did not cause your pain but you can heal from it once you let it go.

I would suggest that you review past events and look at how many of those situations were by your choice or someone else's choice. The choices that you made, own those, and explore why you made them. This is where you explore am I making bad things happen because I choose to or because I was taught this learned behaviors. This too allows an individual to then look at the situations of your past differently and explore how can I make different choices that will then lead to decrease in bad situations happening.

So, my recommendation is not to lump all the bad things as this is my fault but explore who made the choice that caused the event and then explore what you can change in you and your environment to remove the thought process that bad things happen because it is your fault.

Thoughts leads to feelings leads to action and this is a cycle we all live in.