Please help me out here

I was in a toxic relationship with this guy and I broke up with him. After our breakup, we were still hooking up. After some time, I cut off contact with him. He came back to apologize to me that he wanted me back. Honestly I don't love the guy but I couldn't say no. I don't know why. We've actually hooked up twice after that. Honestly it doesn't make me happy. I want to end this with him once and for all. Please help me
Asked by Bshxhdb
Answered
12/06/2021

This is an extremely difficult situation you're in and it is completely normal to be feeling what you're feeling. I want to help you by first discussing healthy boundaries. Boundaries are something that are extremely difficult for most people, so you are not alone in this battle. But boundaries are so important to maintain healthy relationships with all the different people in our lives and especially with partners. Keeping healthy boundaries is also extremely important for our mental health well-being. My suggestion is to try to explore what your barriers are to setting and maintaining boundaries with this person. And then explore your feelings surrounding why you may have that barrier(s). It sounds like you may have some feelings of guilt or fear of what he may think of you if you were to tell him no? That is completely normal and can be a difficult thing for many. Secondly I'd like to help you by letting you know that a big part of being able to set and maintain healthy boundaries is understanding the concept that you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings or behaviors and that you can set boundaries in a kind and caring way. The problem with setting boundaries and then not maintaining them is that people learn that they can take advantage. And then you can get stuck in a cycle that looks like the one you seem to be stuck in. But again, this is such a difficult situation, and you are not alone in the struggle . The last thing I would recommend is self-care. Self-care can help us build confidence and when we are more confident we begin to understand our value and  worth. This helps us to make decisions based on what's best for us and not on what others reactions may be to our decisions.  As difficult as it may be to recieve a negative reaction from your partner when you potentially set your boundary, when you practice self-care, you can begin to find peace in the fact that you are doing what's best for you. I really wish you all the best in this situation and again remember you are not alone. You are a worthy and valuable person that deserves to be treated with kindness and respect.