What to Do about Someone Who Guilt Trips You?

Evaluate

If you believe that someone is guilt-tripping you, it may be best to start by asking yourself some questions. First, a simple question to ask yourself could be, “Do I feel guilty?” If you are feeling guilt yourself, you may be assuming that someone is guilt-tripping you. Also, ask yourself what evidence you have that someone is guilt-tripping you. You will then want to ask yourself what you would like to happen—what your goal is at that point. This will vary depending on the situation. For example, if the person who is guilt-tripping you is a stranger you are unlikely ever to see again, perhaps engaging in a discussion about the guilt-tripping isn’t worth it. However, if this is with an important person in your life, whether it be a friend, a coworker, a significant other, a classmate, etc., you may want to use assertive communication to confront the person, especially if the guilt-tripping is ongoing. Another question to ask yourself is what the other person’s motive really is. Guilt-tripping can be irritating, but some people don’t use it because they want to manipulate or annoy you but rather have difficulty being assertive and resort to guilt-tripping, which is a passive-aggressive strategy, as this is less intimidating for them.

Confront

If, after answering these questions, you choose to confront the person, first make sure that you are choosing the right time and place. Are you calm, and is the other person calm? Are there other people around where the other person could become embarrassed? Once you are ready to confront, start by asking for permission to have the conversation. Using “I feel” statements can help express your feelings without putting the other person on the defense. For example, you could say, “I feel uncomfortable when ____, and I would prefer that you ______.” Remember that just because the other person may have been passive-aggressive, you don’t want to allow yourself to be passive-aggressive or aggressive yourself. If the conversation does not go well, don’t consider it a failure; if you were assertive with the other person, you could express yourself, and that was the primary purpose anyway.