Why is it so hard for me to let things go and move forward.

Im going through this point in life where I am getting my life on track. But I just don’t know how to balance my emotions forgive and move forward. Instead dwelling on old problems over and over again and beating myself up about these problem . Like life old friends, exs, jobs, almost everything I blame myself and its taking a toll on me trying to move forward in my life.
Asked by Honeyyy
Answered
12/06/2021

Your question is one that so many people struggle with on a daily basis.  They feel like they have gotten over the past and then it rears its ugly head and takes you down the road of what ifs and beating yourself up all over again.  I think one of the biggest reasons that people often struggle with moving on and not dwelling on the past is because they struggle with a healthy understanding of what forgiveness means.  Forgiveness doesn’t mean that what has happened is “ok”.  Forgiveness means that you are choosing to let yourself off the hook for what has taken place.  Often it is easier to forgive others while we hold ourselves to a different standard of being perfect.  Let me encourage you to truly forgive yourself for what has happened in the past.  That means letting yourself completely off the hook!  Sometimes you will have to remind yourself when those thoughts start creeping back in that you have forgiven yourself and engage in thought stopping in order to change your thoughts and refocus on other positive thoughts.  There are thoughts that come into our head and they aren’t always helpful or accurate.  When we stay focused on these unhelpful and inaccurate thoughts we begin to believe them.  The great news is that you have the ability to change your thoughts to accurate and helpful thoughts.    Unfortunately it sounds like the neuropathways in your brain are well trodden and so you go down the path often thinking and holding on to the past.  It will take some time of you reminding yourself that you have forgiven yourself before your brain starts to heal.  This is where thought stopping and changing your thoughts is really going to become important for you.  Give yourself time and space and permission to struggle on this journey.  This isn’t something that is easy to overcome!  Let me encourage to engage in counseling as you walk on this journey.  It isn’t that you aren’t able to navigate this alone, but with the help of a counselor they can assist you with walking on this path of healing and overcoming the hang ups that are currently weighing you down.  Blessings to you on this journey!