How do I change myself?

I listed the goals I want to achieve but I don’t have the energy to make a move to do it. I feel lost and empty of myself. I’m just worrying to much every day
Asked by No name
Answered
12/05/2021

This is a great question.  Finding the energy to change may be the reason that you are believing that you cannot change.  Filling out the goals of what you would like to change did require energy, so you are showing that you do have some energy to build on.  I agree, it's easier to think about the person you want to be and the changes you want to see than it is to implement those changes.  Not everyone is aware of changes they want to make, so I want you to recognize what you have going for you in that you can see what you hope to change.  

You can discover how to create the energy you need to make those changes with the help of a counselor.  Often the reason that a person feels hopeless about making the changes they recognize they need is that it feels overwhelming trying to change everything at once.  Let's take an example from the physical world.  If you have a messy room, the best place to start is in one corner of the room, and ignore the rest of the chaos.  Once you clear that one corner, you are able to see the difference between those small changes made and it gives you a better grasp of what it takes to make changes, it will motivate you to turn to another part of the room.  

How do people change?  That is the work we do as counselors. The question does not have the same answer for every person.  There is no magical formula.  Many people can't move forward because of past issues they have buried perhaps because they are afraid to look at them.  Others might need an objective person to guide them to which corner of the room (figuratively speaking) to start cleaning and ideas of what to do with the things that are there.  

If you have done the first part of identifying the ways you want to change, a counselor can guide you through steps you can take to make those changes a reality.  It will not be instant, and you will be the one doing the hard work.  You won't be alone as you will receive encouragement and direction.  Often it doesn't feel like you did the work.  I've had many clients try to give me credit for the changes they made in their lives.  I'm quick to remind them that it was their own hard work.  

(D., Phil., LPC, LMFT)