How do I learn to get pass my past?

LJ, that is a tough spot to be in because you don't seem to have been in a loving environment to grow up in and you did not receive more and more responsibilities growing up being sheltered.... so you probably feel ill prepared to live on your own.

You need to learn to love yourself by recognizing all your fears and judgments about yourself and about life. No negative thought is helpful or real. An athlete cannot win with negative thoughts!

Then you use this information from fears and judgments to recognize what you really want. If you are scared that the world will ignore you, that means you want to be seen for who you are. So you overcome your fear of others to let yourself be seen. If you are scared no one will love you, that means that being loved really matters to you. Then you focus on what it takes to be loving and being loved while learning what healthy boundaries are. When we are afraid of not being loved we can react one of two ways: 1) we can become a recluse and avoid people to avoid being hurt by their rejection, or 2) we can become a people pleaser. Neither one gives us what we really want. There is a 3rd way: Knowing that the fear means you want to be loved, then you decided to own that want. You ask yourself: How can I open up to love. Asking ourself a question is a way to open that door. We may not know the answers immediately, but you are now looking for answers and you will find them in time. Sometimes we get answers immediately and sometimes it takes a while. When it takes a while it is because we either have to learn something new or because different things have to happen together so the timing matters.

So recognize all your wants and own them, work to achieve them. Surround yourself with people who are supportive. If you find yourself feeling down because of your past, then that means you are scared to face your present or your future. Letting go of your past means to start focusing on who you want to be and the life you want to create.

Letting go of our fears and embracing our wants is not like flicking a switch. It can be, but more likely it takes hard work and practice. Since you were sheltered this may mean for you to build a new discipline. But life is full of learning new things. We may fail at times, but only to try better. True failure is giving up.

Let go of feeling like a victim if and when you do, that won't help at all! Challenges can be seen as opportunities to build the self we want to be. The question "Why me?" does not help. The question: "What am I supposed to learn from this challenges?" helps.

You may need to find a mentor. I certainly have needed people who believed in me in order to find out that I mattered. They encouraged me by telling me I could do better, or by showing me how to do better. The time I took to do things better and from my heart is time that helped me feel that I mattered too.

Don't fear asking for help! Most people love to help out when asked. And the next time you feel less and less anxious about asking for help.

What did you truly loved as a kid when you were free to choose? Kids are spontaneous, they are not self conscious by nature. As adults we lose some of that innocence and spontaneity. It is important to let ourselves be free like kids again.... but now our playground is the whole world! We can choose where we want to play with others, and who we want to play with! 

Use your imagination! Playing is so important in order to let go of our fears. If you weren't given much opportunities to play as a child, then give yourself permission to play now! Learn what you like and don't like. Ask yourself what you are curious about  and look for information and answers. A good place to find inspiration is to listen to TED talks. Let your life be seeking how to be joyful by letting go of worrying, by retraining your mind to focus on what you can do and what you have control over... let go of what you cannot control as that is a waste of energy and only leads to anxiety!

Seek what it means to be you. Being you is truly infinite. So the answer won't come as 1 or 2 things. I am a counselor, but who I am is more like an essence that expresses itself as a teacher at times, or a counselor at other times, as a friend or a lover or a father... etc. You see? My essence does not express itself with as much ease if I were on the dance floor, or on a basketball court, or in the legal or political arenas.... But that does not mean I could not give myself a chance if put in one of those contexts.... it is just out of my comfort zone.

I was playing baseball for fun with professors and students when I was in graduate school. It was a friendly game. When it was my turn at bat in the 9th inning, we were down by 3 runs and we had 2 outs. I was the least likely person on our team to help us in this particular situation. I certainly did not have the power or skill to hit a home run. I asked myself what I could do to avoid being called out. My strength is I don't give up and I can think. I had to play within my strength. So I looked at the field and noticed a gap right behind the first baseman. If I could hit the ball in that gap, then I would be able to reach first base, and it would be up to the rest of my team. I managed to do just that. So even though I am not an athlete, I did not look at my position as an impossible task. I was able to contribute within what I can do. We ended up winning the game and my teammates thanked me for it!

Look for where you want to contribute and how you want to contribute in the world. If you are an artist or a scientist look for ways to do just that. It is ok to be you. If you like working with your hands then learn a craft like HVAC, plumbing, being an electrician or a contractor.... Your circumstances do not define you, instead they show you what you want and don't want in life!

Life belongs to those who are curious and seek answers to get what they want and to go after their life dreams.... As long as they are healthy be the best parent or friend you can be to yourself!

All the best LJ!