How to find hope and motivation while in darkness

Hello Gary,

I hope this response finds you well. Your story is not uncommon; in fact, many human beings are struggling, living unfulfilled, lonely lives where they are uncertain if their emptiness will ever cease. I have a few pieces of advice to give, please take from these what you will and, if some do not apply to you, feel free to pass them on to someone else. 

To start, it really sounds like you need to take some time out to list and really absorb your values. What is it that you find most intriguing in life, what is it that you prize and prioritize amongst all other things? Clearly consistency and commitment are some major assets that you display related to values. Perhaps if you can consider other values in different areas of your life, you might be able to apply these to build something new for yourself. Something that brings you actual joy, even if it is just a small increase in mood from what you feel daily. Sometimes it is the incremental changes that bring about the greatest motivation. People see something small in them morph and then they gain reassurance that other, larger things can morph too.

Once you have identified your values related to family, work, friendship, intimate relationships, your notion, and sense of self. You can begin to examine whether you are living those values in your day-to-day life. I know it sounds strange but many times once we have listed our values and they are sitting in front of us, it is hard to ignore that we are not living them. Not living as our true self, according to our true heart's desire. Once you can recognize this it is important to note the barriers in front of you as well. What stands in your way? You say you do not know how; you have never done it, I guarantee you someone else has and you can research them. You can watch their life story and find the tragedies and hardships they overcame so that you can see this as a possibility for yourself. You listed anxiety and depression as conditions holding you back. Can these things be helped, be changed, be moved, on your own or with a licensed professional’s help? Can you find relief even for a little while so you can get the strength, the mindset, the rage to start to propel your very valuable, though unhappy life forward? 

For 30+ years you have committed to an existence that is subpar to the life you want. You struggle every day to live this life and maintain. It is hard. It has been so hard. I completely understand. I just want you to know that this is not the hard life you need to be living. In fact, the hard you could be suffering through is the hard where you pull yourself up. Get help with your depression and anxiety. Identify your values, note the barriers to living them fully each and every day, and start to change and move those barriers one by one. Brick by brick, thought by thought. This is how we find motivation in the darkness, by drawing the issues, facing the issues, and building the road to the life we want despite those issues. 

I can imagine this is scary and will come with quite a bit of discomfort and dysregulation. Please do not run from it! If you want to run from something, run far away from the mediocre life that is destroying your spirit. You deserve better. You can have better. You just must start looking at your life through a clearer, more intentional lens. I am rooting for you always.

Please return to the BetterHelp platform should you have any further questions! Also take good care of yourself and do not give up! All my best to you.