I feel upset about life and I don’t know why

I live with my mom and I hate it here but I have no money to do on my own I feel unmotivated and just sad and angry my family is toxic I have no one.
Asked by Rey
Answered
12/05/2021

Hey Rey, thanks for sharing your truth and asking your question.  It's important to be mindful of what you can control vs what is outside of your control.  It seems that you are placing a lot of attention and energy on aspects of your life that is outside of your control (ex: no money, no motivation, living with your mom).  This is where you are currently, but not where you will always be.  I admire your ability to see how toxic things are around you and your desire to remove yourself from that situation.  You have everything you need to get what you want, it just won't happen will you want it to which is causing you more stress and anger.  Trying to control what's outside of your control.  My challenge to you is to start small by deciding to place more focus, energy and attention on what you can control instead of losing your cool over so many aspects in your life currently that are completely outside of your control.  

 

What that looks like is taking advantage of the opportunities around you such as spending more time away from home, creating a new network of friends and supportive people that you can lean on.  Searching for a job or creating an exit strategy of how to escape living with mom and creating your own space that’s healthy and supportive.  The options and opportunities are endless you just have to be willing to step outside of your comfort zone.  In order to grow and change you have to be willing to be comfortable being uncomfortable and that’s when change will occur.  So in regards of your situation what are some uncomfortable things you’ve done or willing to do to find more balance and peace in your life? What can you begin to do differently to take care of you? How can you begin the process of investing in yourself and what you can control instead of investing in external things that are outside of your control? 

 

Also consider how often you place your attention on “what if” scenarios instead of “what is” scenarios. Often times we develop the paralysis of analysis where we create so many stories and assumptions in our minds that may not be true but we make it true to us.  The what if is everything bad that can happen from making a decision.  If I think the outcome is bad then I will choose to do nothing, besides complain of course.  On the other end to focus on what if is to actually take risks and do things you’ve never done in order to get things you’ve never had.  Either way you get to choose! My challenge to you is from today moving forward choose yourself and choose wisely. 

(PhD, LPC, NCC)