Why do I take people's negative projections personally?

Hi JT,

I am sorry to hear you have been experiencing blocks in motivation from some of the people in your life telling you certain accomplishments aren't possible. It's hard to have other people affecting you in a negative way. I think this relates to a common lack of motivation which is being overwhelmed. When you are overwhelmed, it is common to say "oh well, I just won't do it", and throw in the towel. Plus it just really doesn't feel good to have people dissect and show a lack of respect and support for you.

One way you can combat feeling overwhelmed is to remind yourself why you want to accomplish this goal in the first place and why you started. You can also try to work on how you think about achieving the goal in a positive but realistic way. Such as asking yourself: "have I been able to achieve a goal in the past? Is there any evidence I could achieve this goal?"

Another reason could be that none of us can be motivated all the time. Often times, people think, “wow, that person is so motivated.” But here’s the truth: they just look like like they are motivated because of habits in the areas of their life that matter towards their goal. Some people don't have to force motivation to wake up early every morning, because it’s a habit. Many people don't need motivation to eat lunch because it’s a habit. You don’t need to motivate yourself to do anything that has become habituated in to your life, because habits are things you do regularly and automatically with little or no conscious thought or effort. I often tell clients to find small habits they already have, and build from there.

Lastly, I think it's still important to talk about boundaries with people who do not have your same values. You need to be open to all types of people, but it's okay to discern who you might not take advice from. Preserving your values in certain ways, can help your mental and emotional health. So maybe you can respectfully say to these people, "thanks, but no thanks". Before things have been said that may overwhelm you or override the good habits you already have. There are other ways to establish boundaries ahead of time as well that I could talk about with you in the future.

I hope this answer finds you already on your way to achievement. Sending positive thoughts of healing.

Carrie