Hello, how/is there any daily practices I can use to get over childhood trauma?

Hello,

Thanks for reaching out for help. There can be several things at play here in this situation, you would likely be well placed to explore these further in therapy but I will put some questions for you here to help get you started on your path to self-discovery.

Firstly, what age were you when your parents were fighting? What age were you when you were first aware of the fighting?

Why am I asking this? It informs us of the stage of development you may have been at when this time in you life may have been affecting you. What do I mean by this?

When we are growing and developing there is what is known as key stages of development. These are around ages 2, 8, 15/16, 20/21. Now this does not mean that if something traumatic or confusing happens at ages in between those highlighted that it may not still affect you because it can. Simply put, the ages i've highlighted here are the ages when your brain is growing the most. This is akin to our teenage years when we go through growth spurts and our bones get longer, etc except its our brains. Now when we are growing up, our brains are like sponges, they soak up everything in our environment: the good, the bad, the indifferent. However those key stages of development are when our brains are growing the most, so if something happens at those ages it can be more of a detriment to the future or our brain development.

It's the nature versus nurture discussion. So to be plain, if something traumatic or confusing happens around age 2 for example then it will affect our brain development more than if it happens when our brain is growing at a normal rate and therefore not a key stage of development; so for example say age 4 for easy maths.

How does this work? Well, the experiences we have can leave lasting imprints on our psyche, you could think of it as mental scars if that makes it more relatable but simply put these events can leave a lasting impression and alter how our brains develop, especially if its around key stages of development ages. It's not as binary as pathways in our brain growing to the left under ideal conditions and under less than ideal conditions they grow to the right but it does help to explain the context. 

Why does this matter? Well, under less than ideal conditions these events can change the structure of our brains in development, which can lead to mental health issues when we are older. So our brains don't stop growing until around age 25, which means mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, to name a few, can appear when we hit age 25 or they can appear the next time something traumatic or confusing happens in our adult life because we are prone to develop them due to our experience when we were younger. It essentially lowers our tolerance to cope with traumas so the next time one happens that can be the straw that breaks the camels back and then we have anxiety or depression or other mental health concerns, that may appear seemingly our of nowhere at the time but its not until we start to explore behind the curtain that we find the reasons or potential reasons for these things.

So how does this help you? Well, it offers potential insight. With insight comes understanding which we can then act on and choose to do something about. The power lays within you through awareness of what might be going on for you and that's what therapy will provide you with..........awareness...........and the tools to deal with your day to day symptoms.

At this time, before I offer tools or daily practices we would need to explore what is happening for you so we know what would be the right tools for you that are effective. I'd recommend exploring in the therapy space what might be happening so you can figure out for you, with your therapist, the best tools that work.