How can I manifest change within myself?

Hello IT Guy,

Thank you for your question. Habits and "vices" as you have called it are certainly frustrating when you just can't seem to break them. I want to encourage you: it is possible to break them and I would say you are at a positive step right now; with genuine curiosity and desire to understand what is at the root of continuing to make those decisions. You can certainly continue that exploration on your own, but I also encourage you to meet with a therapist who can help guide you in that self exploration. 

Another question I encourage you to ask is what do those habits or vices do for you. That may seem like an odd question because clearly they are causing issues or consequences you do not like, but the reality is that we do not do things without it benefiting us. The habit or vice is fulfilling some need or doing something for you like creating pleasure/etc. The reason for asking this question is because if you can figure out what the habit is doing for you so that you can then know what you need to do to replace it.

I say replace it because you do not just get rid of a bad habit; you must meet the need/fulfill what that habit was fulfilling or you will almost always return back to the habit. White knuckling/going cold turkey rarely, if ever, works in the long run. Not unless you replace the habit with a suitable replacement. It is about recognizing what need the habit is filling and finding a healthy strategy/replacement/activity/etc. that lines up with your values to replace the bad habit with. Then the need is being met and there isn't a need to return to the bad habit. If you leave the need unmet you might be able to endure for awhile but eventually that need wants to get met and you return to the habit to fulfill it. So I highly encourage you to reflect on what role the bad habit is serving and what it is doing for you (not the consequences; what it does for you).

In the meantime I do want to stress again the benefit of doing this work with a therapist. They can help you explore and reveal insights that might be hard for you to reach on your own. There are many therapists here on the BetterHelp platform or through your insurance or community that will be able to help you overcome these habits.

I wish you well in your pursuit of freedom from your vices. 

Thank you again for your question. Best Wishes!