How do I begin to move on from trauma and understand myself at the same time?

Hi Lily,

Thank you so much for reaching out to address the things that are concerning you. First, this is a very big step towards your healing. So, Congratulations to you. I know how much it has been hurting you not being able to find the answers to your questions. So let me begin by saying that I am very sorry that you suffered trauma in your past. And you're looking to better understand yourself and it's been going on for some time now. Trauma like PTSD can be hard to handle it times. But it is possible to overcome the memories of your past and replace them with some positive thoughts. That's where I would like to start. However, not knowing exactly what type of trauma you suffer I can only begin by letting you know where I would or what I would want to address. Perhaps, looking more into the possibility of some form of abuse that you could have witnessed, suffered, learned, or even possibly faced from your past. This experience of trauma doesn't have to be yours alone as I said you could have witnessed it willingly or unwillingly from childhood or young adulthood- to current. 

Next, I would like to address types of abuses that can be viewed as trauma. There is verbal abuse, emotional abuse mental abuse and of course physical abuse. The trauma can also be in the form of seeing something that may have happened to someone you love or even yourself. You could have been a victim of all or some form of abuse or a victim of what it is you saw. This could have been from your childhood or even as an adult I'm not certain. This could also be something you witness on television or in the news (local, state, government, and or abroad). 

Again, I am so sorry that you have experienced any of this. You mentioned that you have been impacted by this trauma and it affects the way you think, act, and behave. You question why you do these things or why certain things make you feel alone and as thought you are crazy for thinking this way. Something may be triggering these things to happen. This is a pattern that is triggering you to react as if you are back experiencing the trauma, abuse, abandonment, and or neglect you may had been experiencing before.

One way we could begin is by addressing the trauma left behind from your childhood. Acknowledge what happened, understand the feelings of helplessness, loneliness, sadness, being scared, and hurt or scarred by this trauma or abuse. See yourself through the events that may have led up to what may not have had anything to do with you. See yourself as working to heal from hurting, wanting things to go your way and be different than what they were. See where this could be linked to your current feelings, emotions, relationship. Your expectations not being met by family,  friends, and any other person that you feel maybe responsible for the trauma you’ve faced.

You said things are being triggered. What are those things that are being triggered. Are you a victim? Are you a Survivor? Are you an Overcomer? Which role are you willing to take? You may have more than one. If so let’s begin to address them. So that this can change your self-worth, self-esteem, and self-confidence. 

Another major important step is forgiveness. Are you ready to forgive? Can you forgive anyone that may have hurt you or be the reason for the trauma you are still dealing with? Forgive yourself as you are the most important person in this process. You may have been hurt or are still being victimized by the trauma of your past. Are you willing to move passed this? Can you write or draft a letter to your address the trauma/hurt/victimization/event? Not saying that you would have to mail this letter, but you do need to put your feelings down in writing to exercise regaining your strength to overcome this traumatic past. Perhaps you were not being heard, not being understood, not being seen, not respected, lonely, and feeling helpless. Some of these things maybe keeping you woke at night with bad, negative, anxious feelings and causing you to feel overwhelmed; or like nothing is going right in your life that you really like.

Lilly, remember that you are the most important person, and you need to resolve some things to move on. We could explore what this trauma may be. We can see whether this is your trauma or other’s trauma from their childhood. This will be done to better understand where the negative traits or other reason for trauma have come from. Another question can be, Is this a pattern for others in your family? These are just a few questions we can investigate this as we proceed if you do desire to move forward with me. Repeating again that you are a VIP, the most important person in this process towards healing. You deserve to be well emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and personally. You must know also that next the main thing is to understand that you are being heard here and respected for the way you feel and have been thinking. This is not to be counted against you as a weakness, but more of an accomplishment, a Victory, and a step towards having forgiveness and healing to take place for you. So that you are no longer feeling lonely, crazy, and speaking any type of negative towards yourself or any others. Do you feel that you deserve this, Lilly? Do you feel that it is important for you to obtain? It is my hope that this information is helpful for you in your journey to better health overall.