How do I build my self esteem and not rely on others to make me feel good about myself?

Hi Jane.  Thank you for taking the initial step to reach out and ask for help.  That is not an easy thing to do.  

It can be difficult to validate our own experiences, so we approval seek and look for praise from others.  

It's ok to accept praise and approval from friends and family.  Receiving positive feedback can help improve our self esteem and increase our confidence.  

To be more self reliant and build confidence you can implement the following strategies:

Ask yourself what you need. When asking others for praise or advice, what are you wanting to hear?  Say those things out loud to yourself. 

You can self validate by recognizing and acknowledging your feelings.  Name your feelings. Let yourself feel your feelings.  Say it out loud.  Remember you are human, not perfect. It's ok to have the emotions you have and to express them in the way you want. 

Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a good friend.  Engage in positive self talk.  Write down your strengths and accomplishments. Celebrate milestones and achievements. Surround yourself with positivity and interact with supportive people.  Practice self care and engage in mindfulness. 

Boost confidence and improve self esteem by participating in hobbies, doing activities you are good at and enjoy doing.  Give back to your community by helping others. When we pay it forward and help improve the lives of those around us we feel better about ourselves.  Write down self affirmations and positive thoughts and leave these notes around your house as gentle reminders.  

Seek professional help from a trained, qualified, and experienced mental health counselor.  You will learn positive coping skills, self reliance, and gain a clear understanding of who you are.  You will work together with your counselor to understand where negative thinking stems from and how to reframe irrational thinking. In the safe space of therapy you will role play and practice the tools you have learned. A counselor will help guide you on the path to improved emotional and mental well being. 

Keep moving forward and reach out for support.  You are worthy and deserving.  Wishing you all the best on your journey to self improvement.