How do I cope with my son getting married?

Hi, Jade. I am so glad that you decided to reach out and ask your question! I think that it is an excellent question. You sound like you are a very caring mom and that you want the best for your son.

I hope that it will help you to think about the fact that it would be quite natural and expected that you are feeling sad about this situation. Being sad is not in any way "wrong" or "bad". I think that it is a matter of having to face a very significant change. You are going from having him all to yourself, so to speak, to now having to share him with his fiance (and then his wife when they get married).

This is basically a situation that calls for a period of adjustment. Everyone will find themselves, at one time or another, having to adjust to something that is changing. Even if there is something good happening in the change, it can still take some time to wrap our brains around it.

It is a very good thing that you love your future daughter-in-law. That is one fewer hurdle, right? That is going to make this much easier than if you and she did not get along.

Another thing to consider is working on reframing your mindset about the idea of "losing him". If you can think about this differently, it can go a long way towards helping you feel better about his upcoming marriage. There can be some merit in the idea that you are not losing a son - you are gaining a daughter-in-law. However, that doesn't diminish the fact that the dynamics in your relationship are going to change. It still remains that you are not really losing him. It is more about losing the original dynamic of your relationship and shifting to a new dynamic. 

Reframing your thinking can really help with your emotions, as is shown in the evidence-based treatment of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. This therapy operates under the theory that what we think (cognitive) leads to how we feel (emotions) and what we do (behavior). So in your case, if you think that you're losing him, that makes you feel sad. I do not know what that makes you do, but you can think about that. One possibility is that you might start withdrawing somewhat to protect yourself. You can imagine how that could adversely affect your relationship. 

On the other hand, if you can work on appreciating that it is wonderful that the son you love is now going to have another person in this world who will love him, not to mention that you love her, that could cause you to feel happy. You would then have an easier time of embracing this new development and be a part of the celebration and then their lives together after the wedding.

In summary, I am encouraging you to acknowledge the sadness and adjustment this requires and also think about thinking about it in a different way. I believe that will help you to navigate through this situation in the best possible way.

If it helps you to know, I have also had a son get married and experienced the change in our family dynamics. I get that it can be hard to have something you liked just the way it was have to change into something different. I also am on the other side of that and can appreciate how the change has added to our family (a grandchild, for one thing!) and how my daughter-in-law has been such a great wife for him. Seeing him happy makes me happy. I am 100% sure that seeing your son happy makes you happy, too.