How do I get to know myself?
Asked by :(
Answered
05/16/2022
Hi, thanks for reaching out with your question. I'd like to start by addressing how to get to know yourself better and at the end of my message I've tried to add how you can find out what your options are to start therapy now too. It is not uncommon to not know much about ourselves, at any point in life we can get lost in what we are doing.
Two good elements of getting to know yourself are self-compassion and self-exploration.
Everyone has a baseline level of self-compassion that they quickly return to in times of anxiety or stress, so it is important to know what yours is as part of getting to know yourself. Listed below are exercises that, when practiced frequently, can build genuine and lasting awareness and improvement to your relationship with yourself. This will in turn help you get to know yourself better.
- Gratitude: Write down three things for which you are grateful you have done for yourself every day. Don't worry if they seem simple or mundane-just get something down on paper. Writing gratitude will help you identify positive aspects of what you are doing for yourself even the worst days. If you don't think you have done anything for yourself during the day, why might this be and what does this tell you? Also look to see what patterns there are in the things you do and this might help you get to know yourself better by picking out themes.
- Acts of kindness: Make a conscious effort to do something nice for yourself for no reason other than to help yourself. You might be surprised how a simple act of kindness can turn around the day for you. The act doesn't have to be grand, but the message is you can be kind to yourself as well as others. This will help you identify what sort of things you consider kind for yourself and others.
- Mindfulness: Research has linked meditation and mindfulness with reduced anxiety and more positive emotions. Those who meditate regularly may even permanently restructure their brains to create sustained happiness. Apps like Headspace are good for this and this will help you be aware of your thoughts and experiences in a more present way.
- Fostering relationship with yourself: Spend some time thinking about what the barriers to self-compassion are for you, if you find any of the exercises about difficult. Try to think on the following areas:
- a problem area for me is:
- the threat system (i.e. why I don't want to do this- what is the worry?) tells me:
- to act the opposite, I need to:
- the steps involved to start overcoming this problem are:
Repeat this for as many problem areas as you find useful, but don't feel you have to do more than one. If you get stuck, then it can be helpful to ask a friend or share with a counsellor when you get to that stage.
Self-exploration is also helpful. Have a think about how you'd answer the below and, if you're struggling, ask a friend or relative to help you:
- What are your values and the beliefs that you live by. You can start by thinking of what matters to you in terms of how you are with people around you. Then, you can think about how you are with yourself by comparison. Do you treat yourself differently to others?
- Discover your own unique personality. Think about what clothes you like to wear, music you like to listen to, etc. and why they matter to you. This doesn't have to be written down- it could be pictures or songs, etc.
- Decide what you want your future to be like. Think about what career you might like, where you'd like to live and what you want to be surrounded by. This will help you explore your aspirations and what you might want to focus on now to help with that.
- Focus on your own interests and what you enjoy doing. It might be hard, but think about your passions and what you like. Even if you don't know what you like, you might know what you don't like so you can start to make your list smaller based on that!
- Discover your strengths and weaknesses. Ask people, which might be exposing to start with, to help with this. From what they have said, explore which traits you value most and which have surprised you. Often, people see us in a different way to the way we see ourselves so it is always helpful to evaluate what others see against what we see.
Thank you so much for asking this question.
