How do I shift my focus to myself?

Hi Mona, 

Thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp. I'm Chloe, and I hope I can help you. 

The exclamation marks makes me think that this is something that has been upsetting you for some time now, and you're feeling frustrated by how you act.

From reading your question, I have interpreted that you feel empathy for others a lot, but lack any other emotions that come from within yourself. So for example, you feel for others in their sadness but then, in your words, fake sadness for yourself. It seems to me, that self-compassion is lacking and that is something you would like to work on. Focusing on self-compassion is a good way to shift your focus on to what is going on for you. 

To allow yourself some space for your own emotions, start by looking inwards. Some ways to do this may be:

1. Comfort yourself, for example, go for a walk, pamper yourself, rest, eat well- anything you can do to improve how you feel physically will start to improve your self-compassion.
2. Write a letter to yourself- think of a situation that may have caused you pain (or in your case, where you would have wanted to feel an emotion) and write a letter to yourself describing the situation, but without any blame on anyone- including yourself. Try this exercise to look at and nurture your feelings.
3. Encourage yourself. Think of what you would say to a close friend or relatives if he/she was in a difficult, upsetting, or stressful situation (I think you will be familiar with this as you are empathic), and then when you are in this situation or a similar one, tell yourself what you would tell your friend. Notice how this feels for you- do you believe in yourself when you say these things? Would you believe a friend if they said these things to you? Practice this, and direct the compassionate responses you give to others, towards yourself.
4. Practice mindfulness. Mindfulness is a great way to give compassion to ourselves. It is a great way to be in the present, practice this compassionate narrative, nurture, and accept ourselves. 

It is really important that we don't judge ourselves too quickly. I can feel the frustration in your question and I understand how trapping and confusing this can feel. Especially as you are able to offer empathy to others. Don't judge yourself for this- empathy is a beautiful thing to be able to offer another individual. So whilst I understand your frustrations, try to offer yourself some kindness around this. 

I must note, that when a person starts to practice self-compassion, often their pain can increase but it will get easier. Please reach out to a professional if you feel you want to talk this over more deeply. 

I hope this has helped, and again, thank you for reaching out to BetterHelp with your question. 

Take care, warmest regards, Chloe