Ask a therapist > Other > How do I stop my compulsion to lie

How do I stop my compulsion to lie

I’m trying to become a better person and not lie. It’s ruining my life and it doesn’t feel good to lie, but it happens too often to just be a coincidence or accident. It’s manipulative and controlling and I hate myself for it and what it causes and I want to stop but it seems like I can’t, or that there’s always a reason to lie.
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Asked by Deev
Other
Answered
10/26/2022

It sounds like you want to make a shift in your life and begin to do things differently, namely walking in truth by telling the truth. You have taken the hardest step, and that is being honest with yourself about how lying has negatively impacted your life. Creating new habits takes intentional effort, time, and lots of grace. We are creatures of habit and once we get into a routine of operating in one specific manner, it becomes a default response. It sounds like lying has become a default for you. No worries! You can retrain your brain through repetition by responding in a way that makes you proud of yourself and feels good. If you haven’t already, begin to take a few moments for yourself each day and invest in something that brings you joy and a sense of well-being. The purpose of this self-care practice is to fuel your mind, body and spirit. Oftentimes, when we engage in undesirable behaviors, it is an attempt to meet a need. What do you need? Create a routine that allows you to get quiet so that you can hear what it is that you need (love, praise, validation). Identifying what you need, and creating an environment that meets your need in a healthy manner lessens the inclination to rely on undesired behaviors. We all have the answers to our questions; however, clutter in our lives prevents us from being able to get centered and hear. 

 

A few practical steps to begin the shift into truth:

  • Identify when you are most apt to tell a lie, is it with family, friends or in a work setting? Once you identify when this undesirable behavior is happening and what you need, then you will be in a better position to begin to interrupt this pattern of lying. 
  • Give yourself 10 seconds before responding to questions, allowing for the opportunity to choose how you want to respond and also shifting away from your automatic response to lie. 
  • Each time you tell the truth, use this momentum to tell the truth again, which is creating new circuitry in your brain that will allow telling the truth to be your new consistent response. If you find that you are taking two steps forward and 10 steps backwards, be patient with yourself and don’t give up.

 

Lastly, trust the process!

(LCSW)