I need help dealing with my family dynamic and my decisions in my life

Hello Marysue,

I would like to start off by congratulating you for taking the first step to seeking professional support. I apologize to you for the pain and rejection that you have endured. I will try my best to provide some relief by answering your request in two categories. I will show how to eliminate self-doubt and fear in the workplace and within your family. 

Self-doubt is a normal emotion that we as individuals will face from time to time. There are some incidences where we may experience it more than others. Becoming more aware of why you are lacking self-confidence is the beginning to countering self-doubt.

Fear is an alarming/emotional response when we are in a dangerous situation. Fear also shows up in real or imagined experiences. There are times when we can overthink our fears and by doing so it will increase our level of anxiety. Taking deep breaths, assessing the situation, and knowing that we are psychically, emotionally, and/or psychological safe will reduce our anxiety and fear.  Google CBT Cognitive restructuring worksheets or visit https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/putting-thoughts-on-trial.

Workplace: In the workplace self-doubt looks a little different for each of us. For instance, when we compare ourselves with our coworkers, we are doing ourselves a disservice. Setting unrealistic professional goals will breed discontentment, procrastination, avoidance, and low self-worth. You could increase your self-confidence at work by reminding yourself that you are not perfect, you will make mistakes and that is not the end of the world. You could look at those moments as growing pains and build upon them. I would encourage that you identify your strengths and weaknesses and capitalize on your strengths. Learn or create ways to celebrate your small accomplishments.

Family: Self-doubt may stem from a toxic parent/family or the need to show your importance within the family unit. Self-doubt can sometimes become present when one was raised to believe that they are never enough or that their efforts are always dismissed and overlooked. Trying to prove yourself to someone that does not see your value will only cause frustration and increase feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Learning to accept that we cannot make our family love, respect us, or even seeing our value; will empower and boost our self-confidence.

Here are some inner mantras that I recommend: “I am enough, I don’t need to be perfect, I accept myself, I will offer myself love and compassion, and my struggles and imperfections don’t define me.”

Thank you for your time.

Be well,

Felicia Goins, LPC