I need to work on being happier and a better person

I feel I have a hard time showing emotion. I get angry and frustrated easily. I am trying to work on being a better person for myself and relationship
Asked by Madilyn
Answered
11/06/2022

Hi Madilyn, 

Thanks for your question! I think it is wonderful you have made the commitment to work on being happier and a better person. I hope that my response can provide you with some things to think about as you are working on yourself. Here are some of my thoughts about what you have shared:

1) Are you taking the time to engage in self-care? I do not just mean surface level self-care of things like managing hygiene and manicuring yourself (which are still very important). I mean are you being intentional about meeting all of your different needs in areas like psychological and emotional health, social connectedness, professional growth and boundaries, spirituality, and physical health. All of these are important pieces to the puzzle of what can make us feel happy and content with our lives. If one or a few areas are getting neglected or maybe just not being paid enough attention to, that can make us feel emotionally dysregulated. Take some time to reflect on each of these areas in your life and if you are doing a good job meeting your needs. If not, try making a plan to address them. Think especially about the things that you know make you feel good because those are going to contribute to your happiness. This could sound like "I am lacking social connection, so I am going to reach out to friends at least once a week" or "I have not put energy into my physical health in years. I am going to start by setting a goal to walk twice a week."

2) Expressing yourself emotionally can be difficult, especially when you often find yourself feeling angry and frustrated. A very basic way to work on being more expressive about your emotions (the ones that feel positive and comfortable to express and the ones that feel uncomfortable and difficult) is using "I feel" statements. It is a very simple formula that you can use when you are having difficulty trying to find the best way to communicate what you want. The format is "I feel ---- when ---- because ---. I need ---." An example sounds like "I feel frustrated when I have to repeat myself to you because it makes me feel like you are not paying attention to me. I need you to give me your attention when we are having discussions." This can be used with your partner, friends, family, and even in a professional setting. 

3) If you have a difficult time getting in touch with your emotions internally, maybe you can try an activity like journaling. This is a great way to set aside time to connect with yourself and what is going on in your life. Don't put pressure on yourself to have to do it every day or even to have long entries, but try to get into a simple routine of checking in with yourself. If it's not through journaling, you can do mental nightly reflections. Ask yourself things like "What went well today? What made me happy? What did not go well today? Did anything bring me uncomfortable feelings?" Sometimes having time to reflect can allow us to feel good about what is going well and also to figure out how to address what is not so it doesn't continue affecting us. 

I hope this response was helpful and gave you some things to reflect on. If you are looking for more personalized or continued support to help you better navigate your mental health, I always recommend working with a mental health professional who can better assist you. I wish you all the best. Take care!

Cory Bedtke, LCSW

(MSW, LCSW)