If I get counseling or help will this appear on public records?
First off, I definitely want to commend you for identifying that you need support and hope that you do move forward with engaging in therapy services! Given what you described, I definitely think you may benefit from thinking through some of this with a licensed therapist or other mental health professional on an ongoing basis. While it is always good to be able to utilize the coping skills that we possess in order to alleviate our symptoms, we also want to make sure that we are identifying and targeting the root cause of the hurt using appropriate treatment plans. You should be able to do this while engaging in therapeutic services. and exploring more about your challenges.
To answer your question though, therapy records or any mental health information is never placed on any type of public records anywhere. In the same manner as medical records at a doctors office, they mental health records are strictly confidential and can only be accessed by an outside party with the permission of the client and in most cases a written consent. There is no worry that anyone will find out by your information being "public". There are consequences with the licensing board for practitioners and mental health professionals who do not ensure that all information is kept confidential.
The only time that any therapy session or information about mental health services is ever shared with an outside party is when there is a concern for harm to you or to anyone else (adult or child) whether suicidal or homicidal ideations or any type of abuse to a child. You should know that, like healthcare providers, therapists and mental health providers are all mandated reporters in this manner. Also, in some situations, records, personal notes, progress notes, and medications prescribed may also be released to comply with a specific court order.
While it is totally up to you who finds out that you are receiving treatment, I would encourage you to chat with your therapist about the stigmas you have come to learn regarding therapy. You should be able to get the support you need without feeling like you need to hide it; although I do understand that that is not always the case in this day and age. I would be curious to know what you think the consequences would be from your employers or your family and friends.
I hope this answers your question and helps you to make an informed decision. All the best and good luck on your journey towards healing!