I’m really confused on what to do with my life & I always struggle to make decisions.

Hello Z,

Thank you for your question. I know you are really looking for someone to tell you what to do, but I assure you that no therapist worth their grain of salt would do so. This is for several reasons for the most part because the therapist is not the one who has to live your life and only you know yourself the best. A therapist is here to help guide you to make the decision yourself. I know that's a frustrating response. I have been there myself torn between options and it would certainly be easier if someone just simply told me the choice to make. I want to assure you that this struggle is a good thing, because ultimately the decision you make will be a well thought out one.

As far as making a decision; you are right there are always pros and cons to any decision you make. I want to encourage you to instead of thinking of it as pros and cons if you could try to think of the decision based on your values. What are your current values, priorities, and life goals and where does staying versus going home fit into those values. Even a good thing, when it does not line up with your values, is going to feel like a very bad thing and make you feel miserable. When you make decisions that line up best with your values then you know you are making the decision that is going to propel you closer and closer to where you see yourself.

Now I know this may seem selfish, but if the choice that lines up with your values (which could be adventure, or career driven, etc.) lines up most with not going back then you will be miserable and resentful if you do go back. Now you could have an entirely different higher order value (which could be family loyalty) where you would be miserable if you stayed making the choice to go back the one that is going to lead to the most satisfaction. Either way if you choose an option that does not line up with your values then you are going to be miserable. If you go back against your values then that resentment, etc. is not going to allow you to love your friends and family back home well anyways. 

So regardless of the choice you make, just make sure it lines up with your values. I wish you the best as you continue to sort through your options. Take care.