What Can I Do So Nothing Can Get To Me?

Hello there!  Thank you so much for the question.  I'm really sorry to hear that the people that you care about are hurting you.  I want to unpack your question because even though on the surface it seems straightforward there's actually a lot we can explore!

First, you've said that you let things get to you.  I'm gonna take a leap and assume that you might struggle with boundary setting and even recognizing what appropriate boundaries might look like.  It could be problematic if you're taking on too much stress - whether it's other people's drama or issues or giving too much of yourself to work or other people, places, or things that don't appreciate you.  So, I'd encourage you to sit down and think about what it might be like to establish boundaries with stress.

Secondly, you've said that you want to stop caring for people who hurt you.  Relational energy is how I think of the amount of love and attention we have to offer the world. Some of us are equipped with a ton of it; others have less. When we have a lot, we find ourselves often frustrated with people who do not know how to receive it or match it. For instance, I think I have a lot of it - so even after working all day with a ton of clients I can send out ten text messages and interact with friends and loved ones all night and still have more to offer. But I have friends who can barely text "hi" back to me after they've worked at a factory job all day. I've learned that I need to distribute my relational energy differently because if I put it all in one person's basket, they'd get freaked out. 

Also, I've learned that I can't expect anyone to ever match my amount or the uniqueness of my relational energy. It makes relationships frustrating sometimes because I'm looking for something from others that they probably can't reasonably give me. I think there's a hole in my heart that is shaped like me; when I fill it with the wrong sized peg, it doesn't work. But if I can figure out how to love myself and fulfill my own needs, then the relationships I have in my life are all a bonus.

Finally, you said that you want to be less emotional.  While it may be that you feel emotions more intensely than others might, I'd encourage you NOT to stop feeling but to learn to manage your emotions differently. In therapy, we utilize strategies from a framework called DBT that might help with this. Learning how to tolerate tough feelings and examine them from an evidence-based more objective point of view might help you not react so strongly or feel so bad inside.

Thank you again for such a great question and I wish you well in your journey! Best wishes!