What’s the best way to handle abandonment issues as an adult?

Hi there! I wanted to encourage you for reaching out for support through BetterHelp. It takes a lot of courage to ask for help, and you should be proud of yourself for doing so! I want to also preface this by saying that I am answering this question based on the information you have provided above. If we were meeting for a therapy session, I would want to ask clarifying questions to gather more information. However, I am only given the information you have provided, so I apologize if I have misunderstood anything here!

To start off, it sounds like you were recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, depression, and social anxiety - I am assuming this means that you saw a psychiatrist or mental health professional to have an evaluation done - that is a great first step! I would say these are fairly recent diagnoses, so often times it can take a little bit of time to adjust with these sorts of things. I would say psychoeducation on the different diagnoses could be really helpful. I would definitely encourage starting therapy to be able to learn more about the diagnoses and how these can affect you personally. Every person deals with these things differently, so what may work for someone else may not necessarily work for you. It is important to be able to see what helps YOU in your journey. It sounds like the abandonment issues are also wrapped up into this, and I would think this could be an abandonment anxiety. Abandonment anxiety often stems from the fear that someone is going to leave or abandon you, based on either real or perceived abandonment earlier in life. I would want to know more about whether you experienced abandonment as a child or at any point in your life. This would be something to explore further in a session.

One way to work on abandonment anxiety is to challenge anxious thoughts. Where is this anxiety coming from? And where are you seeing it play out the most? Is it in a romantic relationship, with friends, with family, etc? Next, try to identify what you are thinking when you feel this come up - what do your thoughts look like? Also, try to pinpoint what you are feeling when it happens - are you feeling anxious, scared, mad, happy, etc? Then, I would encourage you to try to challenge those thoughts. Is the thought (and/or fear) based on reality or anxiety? If it is based on anxiety, try to remind yourself of the reality of the situation. For example, if you have experienced a parent figure leaving as a child, this could certainly cause abandonment anxiety as an adult - this often comes out in romantic relationships or friendships. Someone may feel anxious that if a significant other doesn't text back immediately, they are going to abandon them. I would ask the person to identify whether this is based in reality or anxiety. If you don't hear from a significant other, what else could they be doing? Are they just busy at that time? Does it necessarily mean that they are "done" and going to abandon you? These are some questions I would encourage someone to ask themselves when that anxiety comes up. Try to challenge those anxious thoughts as much as possible. If someone is genuinely doing something that is triggering the anxiety, it can also be helpful to talk to that person and let them know how you are feeling about it.

It can also be helpful to remember to utilize positive coping skills during that anxiety - or any of the other diagnoses you mentioned. Coping skills are tools that help improve mood and also help you focus on something positive. I would encourage you to think about whether there are things you enjoyed doing that you have not been doing as much lately - or, is there an interest or hobby that you would like to devote more time to? This can be really helpful with depression, anxiety, mania, etc. Examples of positive coping skills include: going for a walk; exercising; reading; playing a game; watching a movie or TV show; taking a warm bath; enjoying a nice take-out meal; praying; meditating; drawing; coloring.... the list goes on and on! I would also encourage you to try journaling and see if this is a helpful coping skill. Journaling can be a great way to get out thoughts and feelings without judgment. Lastly, I would recommend leaning on your support system when possible - sometimes just talking it out can really help!

I also wanted to say that if you were to experience any suicidal or homicidal ideation, please call 911 or go to the nearest hospital - your safety is number one priority!

I want to thank you again for reaching out for support today, and I hope this was helpful. I wish you the best on your journey!