What’s wrong with me?

Hi Unicorn,

It is perhaps well known that there is a relationship between the experiences we had growing up and the way we experience life as an adult. For example, if you went through a traumatic experience as a child, it may well affect thoughts and behaviors well into adulthood.  However, for some, a phenomenon in the brain occurs where you just can't seem to remember your traumatic childhood memories.  So when you ask yourself, “Why can’t I remember my childhood?” It is possible that you may have repressed your childhood memories. It doesn't happen to everyone, but what we know is that certain thoughts you have may indicate that this is happening to you.  This is what we call amnesia.

Most of us know have heard about amnesia, but most of our ideas about it come from fiction and have little basis in reality.  In movies, a character might lose their memories, usually due to a trauma or brain injury, only to regain them suddenly when triggered by a person or event. However, this is unlikely, especially in relation to our childhood memories.

Childhood amnesia is a condition that occurs naturally over time. Forgetting some or most of your childhood, happens to many of us. It sounds like you are worried that your childhood amnesia could be indicative of severe trauma, but often that is not the case.  It might be that the discussion you had with your parents was upsetting and your brain was able to compartmentalize this for you so that the emotional discomfort stopped for you!

Why We Sometimes Forget?

You may wonder why you can't remember - well the brain is a complex. 

One theory is known as synaptic pruning. To understand this, imagine a small tree. When the tree becomes over grown,  it needs to be pruned to stay healthy and survive.  Synaptic pruning suggests that the brain has the same need as the tree. To get rid of memories that are no longer necessary or needed, the brain may remove these memories if they're not needed in the present.  In theory, this keeps your brain running efficiently and remain sharp. However, emotions also plays a major part in recalling memories.

You are more likely to remember something if it had a significant emotional impact. Some people believe that young children attach fewer emotions to events, so they have a harder time recalling certain memories. After all, there is a difference between a child crying out of instinct and a child crying because of emotional trauma.

Are Your Memories Real?

It's hard to know how many childhood memories are real. Do you ever wonder how many of them you remember simply because someone told you about the event?

I Can't Remember all the details of my Childhood?

As mentioned, it is quite common for people not to remember anything before the age of three. If you don't have early childhood memories, there's nothing wrong with your mind, and you probably don't suffer from any trauma. It's normal to lose your early childhood memories at a young age.

However, for some people they can't remember anything from their childhood before about the age of 12 years. In this case, there may indeed be some form of trauma at play. Childhood trauma can sometimes lead to dissociative amnesia, this is where we might seal away a parts of our memories as a defense mechanism against further harm to ourselves.

If this describes your experience, consider reaching out  to a mental health professional. It doesn't mean that you experienced trauma, but a therapist can help rule out any serious issues, so you can understand why you can't remember your childhood better.

How do I Attempt Memory Recall on my own?

If you are curious to remember more of your childhood, you can try these suggestions and tips:

1.    Write it Down.  What You Do Remember?

To clarify your memories, try writing down what you're trying to remember. Include as many sensory details as possible. As you create your own personal database of childhood memories, you may remember more and more of your childhood.

2.    Talking About The Events In Past:

Discussing and communicating about the bits and pieces you remember from the old times can help in recalling the forgotten memories. You can even keep track of those bits and pieces by keeping a memory journal and keep adding the details as you start to remember any new thing.

3.    See If You Can Find Helpful Triggers

The word triggers can have a negative connotation in mental health but in memory recollection, triggers can be a good thing. Feelings, sights, sounds, and scents may trigger a memory and bring you back to a specific time in your childhood. Experiment with triggers like old toys or even songs to help you recall your early memories.

4.    Keep on Learning

Improving and strengthening memory takes time and practice. Consider training your mind to retain new memories, even if you age.  There are many memory games to stimulate the brain. 

Brain training games have been found to improve the memory in children especially in younger people. And they could not be easier or cheaper to find, with apps like Peak, Elevate and Luminosity which can be download on your phone or other device.

5.    Seek Help from a Professional Counselor

If you are struggling remember anything before the age of three, that's okay and is to be expected. That said, if you are having difficulty remembering important parts of your childhood, that may be a sign of trauma. Talking to a therapist can help you explore childhood memories in a safe and supportive environment.  If this still concerns you that you cannot recall significant events around significant events such as ‘your parents conversation about a divorce’ consider reaching out to talk with a professional mental health counselor.

Not being able to remember childhood memories may be frustrating or concerning but it is normal.

If you are having difficulty remembering important parts of your childhood, that may be a sign of trauma. Talking with a professional therapist can help you explore childhood memories in a safe and supportive environment.

Best Wishes and good luck!

Gaynor