Which body language shows you are interested in communicating?

            Country singer Alison Krauss made famous the song, “Nothing at All,” where she sang, “you say it best when you say nothing at all.”  When we say nothing at all as humans, we are really saying quite a lot.  Our body language communicates for us.  So, if you want to show that you are interested in communicating, how might you do this through body language? 

Half-Smile and Willing Hands

            Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, created two types of nonverbal communication, or body language, that we can use when we are open and ready to communicate with others.  One is a half-smile.  A half-smile is done by raising the sides of our lips slightly, relaxing the rest of our face, and making direct eye contact.  Willing hands can be performed by placing your hands on your laps, palms up, and fingers relaxed and slightly curved (as if you are receiving something) when sitting down.  If you are standing, drop your shoulders. Relax your hands and turn the palms out, unclenching your fingers.  Both of these communicate that we are accepting of our situation with someone and ready to listen.

Body placement

            The way you place your body can show you are interested in communicating.  Position yourself facing the person.  Turn your entire body in their direction.  Seat yourself close to the person, but give enough distance for them to be comfortable having their own space.  A good measure is an arm’s length apart (unless there are cultural reasons for wanting more space).  It is always okay to ask, “Is it okay for me to sit here?”

Active listening

            Demonstrate active listening when they are speaking.  Active listeners are not distracted.  They are not on a device, like a phone, when communicating.  They are listening with their ears, eyes (by looking at the person), and hands (by not being engaged with anything else).

Communicate Your Desire

            If you desire to communicate with someone, tell them!  Start by saying, “I’d like to talk to you about x.  Is not a good time?”  Or, send a message that says, “I enjoy spending time with you.  Would sometime Saturday work to get together?” 

Working on Communication

            If communication is something you’d like to improve upon, a counselor can help.  Communication styles can be different for every person.  Sometimes knowing our communication style and changing is the first step to becoming a better communicator.