Why do I over apologize and find it hard to say no?

Hello Leo,

Thank you for your question. Though it can be a good thing to be humble and be able to acknowledge when we have made a mistake, it could easily become problematic when we begin apologizing for things that we are not responsible for.

I first must acknowledge that it is a good thing that you are aware of the fact that you have been doing this. This will eventually help you to be able to challenge the thoughts that lead you to take responsibility for things that are not your own and the inability to say no.

Now to answer your question about why - The answer is that it isn't as simple as me saying here's exactly what caused you to respond in this way. It is likely this is a learned response pattern and that it could have developed after a specific trauma or as part of a cumulative effect from several experiences. Regardless it is important to know it is learned, and as everything that is learned, it can be unlearned. 

Learning to unlearn this way of responding is to work with the thoughts that lead you to respond in the way you do. Taking a look at the thoughts and being able to recognize whether they need to be challenged or reframed instead of just accepting those thoughts as absolute truth.

It can be quite helpful to talk with a therapist who can help you to identify the thoughts that are contributing to feeling like you can't stand up for yourself. You don't have to continue letting people walk all over you. I encourage you to connect with a therapist here on the BetterHelp platform or to access services by other means either through your insurance or a community resource. It is possible to connect to your sense of self and to live a values filled life. 

I want to thank you again for your question; it's a great first step in being able to assert yourself and to stand up for what you know is right. I wish you well and that you are able to find your voice. Best wishes.