What should i do with my life?

So you know i have this cycle of wanting to do something(study hard,learn something,etc) i know i have potential but i can't get myself to do the task i keep postponing and end up not doing it. What should I do about that? and i always feel lonely and dejected
Asked by Goodday

Thank you for your thoughtful question.  This question has proabably been asked by many people.  It is a question in which the answer lies within you.  I would encourage you give yourself some grace as you ponder these issues.  Your points about postponing things is often referred to as procrastination.  Procrastination, putting things off, or postponing tasks can be influenced by a number of factors.  It could be a tendency to be perfect or perfectionism.  This is when a person is reluctant to complete a task for fear that it will not be perfect.  Of course, postponing or putting it off sometimes increases the odds that it won't be perfect as it leads to completing the activity or task at the 'last minute.'  That prevents the opportunity for a rough draft to be completed or revisions to be made or time to reflect on making the finished product better.  Another cause is fear of failure.  If I wait until the last minute, I have a rationale for why I failed.  As opposed to giving the task due diligence and possibly failing.

*To address this issue it can be helpful to just get moving and doing the thing that is being postponed.   Sounds simple but many still struggle with it.   By 'just get moving,' I would suggest committing to spend at least 15 minutes on the particular task or activity each day.  That can get the momentum going in a positive direction.  Also, small progress is much better than no progress.  

*I would also encourage breaking down the task into small doable tasks.  Often times the focus is on the finished product and how much it is going to take to reach the end result.  This can lead to a person feeling overwhelmed at the enormity of the overall task of completion.  Setting small achievable goals each day and moving towards the eventual goal in that manner can be an effective way to maintain motivation and allow a person to see progress and not feel defeated.

*Seek the guidance of others who have achieved a similar goal and have them share their steps to success.  Gaining motivation from others can always be beneficial.

Re: Always feeling lonely and dejected

*Explore the origins of these feelings.  What has led to these feelings? Challenge the belief that you 'always' have these feelings.  Are there periods within an hour, a day, a week, a month that you do not feel lonely and dejected?  How are things different during those segments?  

*Consider taking steps to boost your self-esteem and self-worth.  Think about at least 3 qualities, traits, or attributes about yourself that you are proud of.  Reflect on them and consider what you have to offer in relationships.  Gaining greater self-worth and varied sources of validation can help to reduce the impact of rejection when it does occur and any resulting feelings of dejection.


I hope that these suggestions bring some level of clarity to your current circumstances and how you will respond to address your noted concerns.

(M.S., LPP)