Are We in a Relationship or Just Dating?

It is not uncommon to feel unsure of what label is appropriate to connect with another person. Different norms are associated with dating based on a person’s national origin, religion, gender identity, etc.

Important considerations

It can be helpful to consider what you want out of the situation. Do you want to be exclusive with that partner? Does your partner want to be exclusive? How quickly do you want the relationship to progress? Do you feel pressured to move too quickly in the relationship? What is your history regarding relationships? What did you learn about relationships when growing up? In addition to these questions, you may want to ask yourself whether you are ready for a relationship. Some questions you could ask yourself are: Are you trying to replace a past relationship? Do you need to work on yourself before you enter into a relationship? Are you looking for someone to rescue you?

Communication

After you answer the above questions, it may be beneficial to ask your partner many of these questions, but also to gain an understanding of your partner’s history regarding relationships. If you are not sure of the status of your partnership, a lack of communication is probably one of the reasons why. Use “I feel” statements to explain how you feel about yourself and your partner, and use “I want” statements to describe what you want. Listen to your partner. While it may be an uncomfortable conversation, directly asking each other whether they view you as dating or in a relationship can answer the question. If you are not sure of whether you are dating or in a relationship, there is a good chance your partner is wondering the same thing too.

Significance of Labels

Even the words “relationship” and “dating” can mean very different things and come with very different expectations to different people. Ask yourself why the label is important and ask your partner what the label means to them. What does being in a relationship look like to you? What does dating look like to you? Again, you can answer this question simply by asking both your partner and yourself a few questions.