Can attachment occur at any age?

How attachment forms

Attached begins forming in utero.  The fetus can begin to hear at 20 weeks and begin to smell as early as 6 months.  With these senses forming, the fetus can learn the mother's voice and smell.  When the baby is born, it can identify the sounds and smell with the mom, and attachment continues to form. The first 3 years following birth are the most critical as far as how secure attachment forms.  The attachment cycle begins with a need that the baby has and the need being addressed by a caregiver.  The baby cries when they have a need, and the way the caregiver responds to the need helps soothe the baby. Suppose the need is taking care of, then secure attachment forms.  If the needs are not met or are inconsistent, then avoidant, anxious, or disorganized attachment will form. 

Attaching after age 3

If the secure attachment is achieved, then the toddler will achieve other milestones successfully and continue to be secure in the attachment.  If there becomes an attachment breach at this point, there can still be changes to the child’s attachment.  For instance, if the caregiver starts neglecting the child’s need, some other attachment style could play.  The wider the child support system becomes, there are other opportunities for attachment with those supports (grandparents, childcare, babysitters, nannies, siblings, etc.). As they continue to get older, teachers and peers will also play a role in this, but the main attachments are still with the parents/caregivers.

So, what about attachment as we age?

Attachments continue to happen as we get older and start in relationships.  The attachment style that we develop from 0-3 still plays a big part in our attachment styles and those as we continue to age, but the main formative years are still at play.  If we have a secure attachment, we will be able to attach with others securely, but it is also important for you to know your partner's attachment style.  If, for example, you have an anxious attachment, and your partner has secure attachment, there is an opportunity through that relationship that your anxious attachment can move to secure attachment.  Knowing your attachment style is key to a better understanding of relationships and the ability to heal from an infant/child's unmet needs and move to secure attachment.