Can broken trust in a relationship be repaired?

Hello and thank you so much for your question. It can be so difficult to reveal intimate details about our lives and personal relationships, and even more so when it's with someone you have never met, cannot see or hear! Reaching out for help takes courage and strength, so thank you!

The short answer to your title question is, yes. I do believe that it is possible for trust to be rebuilt when it has been broken in a relationship. That being said, there are several key pieces that must be a part of the rebuilding of that trust. One of the most important pieces is that both individuals in the relationship must be committed to the action steps and the work that it takes for that rebuilding to happen. You mentioned that your husband continues to talk with and engage in inappropriate conversations with other women in spite of you repeatedly asking him to stop and in spite of him repeatedly saying he will, only continues the behavior.

My concern is that there seems to be some lack of commitment on his part given that he keeps returning to the problematic behaviors and activities that are contributing to this breakdown of trust. As a therapist, my first thought would be to ask, "Why is he doing this? What is he getting out of it and what need is this behavior meeting for him? Is it possible for that need to be met in other more appropriate ways?" Most of the time, we engage in behaviors because it has some sort of reinforcing effect for us. What is he getting out of talking to other women when he is in a monogamous relationship with you? Certainly there are some deterrents which include the damage that this behavior is causing to your relationship, so why keep doing it? Both individual and couple's counseling are possible places where some of these answers could be found. It is important to first identify why the behavior is occurring and then work together to find out if it is possible to stop the behavior. Only then can the healing take place and can you begin to rebuild that trust that was lost. 

One other thing to remember is that progress may not always be linear. This road to healing and healthier communication may take time and may even have rough patches from time to time. However, as long as the two of you remain committed to working through this and staying on each others' team I truly believe it is possible to stay together and end up stronger and closer than the two of you ever were before.