Can relationships work after a breakup?

After a breakup (especially with a long-term partner or spouse), one of the most common wonderments is whether or not a relationship or friendship can still exist afterward. There are so many variables to this question. When it comes to sharing children, it is almost always advised that where possible, to have at least civility and appropriate communication and connections to raise children in as stable an environment as possible and one with as little anxiety and uncomfortableness as possible one can have for everyone involved. With a family not in the picture, other considerations like the motivations for staying friends or more.

How it turns from messy to even messier.

Many people, after a break up logically understand why a breakup had to happen in the first place, but emotionally some people can have a harder time healing those open wounds on their own. In this case, many people decide to be friends, often relying on each other for emotional support, favors, and in some cases, continued financial support, and even needed and desired intimacy. This last part is the most difficult to navigate as now it looks like a relationship without loyalty and commitment. Not allowing the healing process to begin and honoring the “break” needed to set forth a new path can damage esteem, harbor ill feelings, and in many cases, damage future relationships.

Just say No. Then say Yes if appropriate.

Deciding to respect your boundaries and your ex’s boundaries for a season, typically about 90 days of no contact, can really help each of you see if you even want to continue a relationship worth investing in that looks like a friendship. Doing so prematurely does not allow the hurt feelings to heal and for grounding to take place away from the dependence of the relationship. And sometimes people find their way back either all the way back to being together or a healthy friendship. When people try to get involved in a new relationship, the 90 days or more still applies and dramatically helps that mindset focus on the new relationship. And moving on permanently from a relationship can sometimes be the best choice for the growth of each individual to take place.