Do you think it’s possible to be happy with your partner again after serial infidelity?

Stargirl, thank you for your question.

I know addiction can be difficult and it is not easy to watch a loved one have to walk through the recovery process. Your question, "Can we be happy if he does well in his recovery" is possible. One of the first areas that you both need to identify is "what will being happy look like" in our life. How will you know if either of you are happy.  Being happy may not look like it has in the past. It is important to identify how will you both know that you are happy. Remember, what makes you happy and what makes him happy may look completely different, especially now.

Another question that you both will need to think about is, "How will we know his recovery went well?". How will you know that he has recovered in a way that will make you both trust again. By this I mean, how will he know he is trusting himself again and how will you know that you are trusting him. These will come by understanding what boundaries are needed for each other and in the relationship. As he is going through the recovery process, I hope that you will seek out help, as well. It will be important for you to be able to work through your own negative emotions in order to be able to work through the marriage. Your relationship with your husband involves you both and working together to build your own emotional well being is important.  There is an importance of respect from you both that will need to be worked through. The process of rebuilding will not be easy, but if you both are willing to work through the process, you can find happiness even if it is not the way that things used to be. Sometimes happiness can evolve or change to a new happiness.

I hope this will help guide you in a positive way to work on building back happiness in your marriage. It may not be an easy process and there will be trust issues that will need to be worked through, but happiness is possible.

I hope you both reach out to professionals for individual and for marriage counseling to help build that bridge back.

I wish you the best!