How attachment styles are formed?

Attachment theory posits that early childhood bonds established with caregivers and parents teach us how relationships work and creates a style with which we approach relationships we form later in life. Attachment styles are the specific ways we relate to others within our relationships.

Infants are dependent on parents or caregivers to respond to their needs. Depending on how often and well those needs are met, an infant will learn what to expect and what to do to meet needs.

There are four attachment styles:

• Secure attachment describes secure and loving relationships with others. People who are securely attached trust others, accept love and develop close and intimate relationships with others. They aren’t afraid of being close to others or the give and take of relationships. This attachment style is created by responsive caregivers who meet their child’s needs.
• Anxious attachment is an insecure attachment that revolves around a fear of being abandoned. Insecurity is typically present in relationships with those with anxious attachment. There may be fears of being left, a need for lots of reassurance in relationships, and anxiety or clinginess that can cause problems in relationships. This attachment style is created by inconsistent caregiving, unpredictable affection. Caregivers may be very responsive at one point and not responsive at all at others.
• Avoidant attachment indicates a fear of intimacy, and those with this attachment style often have trouble getting close to others or trusting. They may keep partners at arm’s distance and fear being dependent on others. This attachment style is formed by caregiving that is dismissive and distant.
• Fearful-avoidant attachment combines elements of anxious and avoidant attachment styles. Affection and closeness are craved but are often avoided. Behavior can be confused, both seeking and avoiding closeness, enjoying the closeness of a relationship, but engaging in distancing behaviors when things feel too close. Caregiving that is abusive or neglectful or causes fear can lead to fearful-avoidant attachment.

Attachment style is thought to form within the first year of life, but many researchers also note that attachment style can change over time with new experiences and work in therapy. If you’ve noticed patterns in relationships that are distressing, feel you attract relationships that don’t work out for the same reasons each time, or have issues with trust and security, talking with a therapist about attachment style and how it may be impacting you may be helpful to breaking patterns and making positive changes.