How attraction works in the brain?

Ooh la la! Fun questions. It is thought that attraction starts in the medial prefrontal cortex. This part of the brain is responsible for lust, finding someone cute, and romantic decision making.  The medial prefrontal cortex is also thought to help with decision making and some believe that it may store long term memories.  If you want to read a terrific book that goes into detail about what happens to our brain on love (attraction often the beginning) check out “What is Love” by Helen Fisher or check out her Ted Talks.  Dr. Fisher  of Rutgers University believes that attraction happens in the same pathways in the brain that control feeling reward (dopamine). This could explain why attraction feels so good.

                When someone who is attractive to us walks by, we subconsciously (do it without knowing) release these feel-good hormones.  Everyone finds different features, personality traits and style of dressing attractive. There is no one fits all what is attractive. When we start spending a lot of time with someone, we are attracted to our body and release more dopamine which means we become increasingly attracted to someone over time.  Attraction is not always physical. We can be attracted emotionally, due to similar interest, and even those who are opposite of each other.   When we feel attraction, our bodies become excited and focus more on our potential mate or new friend.  That is why when you first meet someone and start to really like them you find yourself happier, thinking about them more, and more energetic. Some people report needing less sleep and eating less during this time. Remember these initial hormones wear off over time and if you have been in a long-term relationship if you do not feel this way it does not mean the attraction is gone! It just means you have gotten to know the person very well and now have different emotions. A different type of attraction.  Attraction is fun but you want to make sure that in a relationship if you do feel these intense feelings, it does not mean that you are no longer attracted to someone or you should break up with someone. Hormones change over time. Some people enjoy these intense feelings and without knowing it start to chase after these emotions. Think of someone who falls in and out of love quickly and intensely.  These feelings can be confusing and sometimes lead us to be “blinded by love.” ignoring potential bad qualities and behaviors.  Better Help counselors are here to talk to you about what is going on in your brain and what a healthy relationship looks like.