How can I better my relationship with my boyfriend after having a baby?

Hi there. Thank you so much for reaching out and asking this question, i think there will be several people that are wondering similar things. As you say, you're thinking about how you can better your relationship with your boyfriend after having a baby.

It sounds like there is a lot going on right now between you and your partner, and as you say you are thinking about things that have happened in the past and a part of you is wondering if that is happening or if something is going on now; and you're struggling to trust what he is saying at the moment. It sounds like you are really scared that he will leave, or something will happen so you're trying to safeguard yourself but the way you are doing this right now is also pushing him away and impacting your relationship in a way that isn't helpful at the moment.

I guess we know that having a baby can be hugely impactful on our lives, how we perceive ourselves and our relationships with others. It's such a demanding and rewarding time - coming with ups, downs and areas for stress. Usually this comes down to many things like having little sleep, huge hormone changes, losing ourselves for a bit amongst other things too. 

I wonder if having a honest conversation with how you are feeling with your boyfriend would be helpful right now, in terms of 'At the moment I am feeling X because of Y and Z, and I really need X from you'. It can also be something like 'When you do X it makes me feel Y because of X Y and Z, can we think of a different way to approach this?'.

From what you say here it sounds like you both really care about each other and your daughter and want it to work. We know that being honest, open and vulnerable can be really helpful in making the communication feel a little more helpful between partners, and reduce the worries we can have that something else might be going on.

Another thing that might be helpful is to talk to a therapist about what is going on, either yourself or with your partner too. It can be helpful to have a space that is completely yours, and you can talk about some of these worries that come up in therapy, rather than it feeling like it's a constant conversation you are having with your partner.

Know that this time is really challenging for lots of people for different reasons when making that transition to motherhood, or just having a newborn; our minds and bodies and in healing mode and it can take some time to come to a balance again. It sounds like you both really want this to work, and I really hope that you can find the support in each other and elsewhere to help this feel a little easier right now. It is really understandable however that you are feeling this way. 

I do hope that helps a little.

Best wishes,

Nikki