How can I change my thoughts of jealousy and insecurity in a relationship?

Hi Jelli,  I am so glad you asked this question!

I get this question often and I feel that you are already on your way to having some great awareness to some of the things that trigger your responses in your own personal relationships with others.

We cannot effectively change if we do not have any awareness around our stuck points. In other words, you already know that your past has created some stuck points in your current relationships. Again, this is great awareness on your behalf. Often I tell friends that we are capable of breaking molds and some of our past history or traumas by trying new moves. We may not be able to literally change our past or control how others trigger us in the moment but we do have capacity to respond in a different way. The behavior often starts with our thoughts and feelings and beliefs about ourselves, our own self talk. What does this situation say about you? Sometimes, I have clients that often say that abandonment and relational struggles make them feel like they "Aren't good enough" or that "They aren't worthy" or maybe even "I'm not in control". Explore that negative belief and work backwards from the belief of "I'm feeling jealous or insecure and decide what you want your goal to be. Maybe it's "I am worthy of a relationship, as I am" or "I am good enough, as I am" or possibly "I can only control what I can" and start the explorations there. You are worth it! And I am very hopeful that, with already having awareness about this struggle, you will get through this tough time and these bigger feelings of jealousy.

There are therapists much like myself that utilize many strategies to bridge the negative and positive beliefs together to elicit change and impact us in a positive way. Often we experience trauma in our history that keeps us stuck or creates problems in our everyday, usually when we least expect it. Once we can identify our negative and positive belief like we just did above, we can effectively address it using strategies with a trained therapist to undo that stuck points. Maybe consider looking into Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) to effectively address any stuck points if they continue to keep you stuck in your everyday.

Maybe this information was enough to carry your awareness one step farther. I truly hope it does! Hang in there and stay well! And, if this helps you, be sure to pass it along to others struggling in their relationships when it comes to themes of attachment, dating, intimacy, love, marriage.