How can I control my emotions/ anxiety and constant overthinking?

Hi Lola, I am so glad you reached out with your question. It sounds like your current relationship, while bringing you joy, is also creating some significant stress. While it is difficult to tell from your brief letter, it may be that you are experiencing anxiety and in particular, a unique form of anxiety called relational anxiety. 

You indicated that you tend to worry extensively, even about things that do not seem rational, and that it is difficult to control your emotions and thoughts. These are all very common symptoms of an anxiety disorder. In addition, other common symptoms of anxiety include difficulty concentrating, restless sleep and insomnia, changes in eating patterns, feeling irritable or jumpy, and physical symptoms like headaches and muscle tension. 

Relational anxiety is a unique manifestation of anxiety. Relationship anxiety is characterized by those feelings of doubt, worry and insecurity that can occur in a relationship even when things are going well. You might find yourself doubting your partner's feelings or questioning their actions when you are apart from one another. You might even start doing things that could sabotage the relationship. Over time, these actions can become a self-fulfilling prophecy and might push your partner away. 

Various contributing factors to the development of relational anxiety can include low self-esteem, or a previous partner who was unfaithful or ended the relationship unexpectedly. Relational anxiety can also develop if you have had difficulty with emotional and secure attachments earlier in your life. It is possible that you developed an attachment style that can make it difficult to trust yourself or feel confident in relationships. 

The good news is that all forms of anxiety, including anxiety centered around your relationship with a significant other, are highly treatable. One form of treatment that can be highly beneficial is psychotherapy, especially a form of psychotherapy called cognitive behavioral therapy. Because you have noted that your thoughts can start to get away from you, it is likely that cognitive behavioral therapy would be a good fit for you. Cognitive behavioral therapy helps you recognize the connection between your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and create more adaptive and helpful ways of thinking. A therapist can also help you look at your attachment style and relational patterns to create positive change.  

You have already taken a significant first step by asking your question and seeking feedback.

I wish you all the best, Lola, as you begin your journey of healing.