How can I get over a girl that says she loves me but has been avoiding me for a week now?

Hi Curly,

Thanks for reaching out, I am hearing that you are feeling depressed and stressed at the moment and a particular relationship has become an issue for you.  Relationships are often difficult and can cause stress and anxiety, it sounds like this is becoming overwhelming for you right now. If someone is avoiding you it is hard to know what is happening in the relationship especially if the contact appears to be inconsistent and on their terms.

You do not say if this is an in-person relationship or on-line relationship, in any case stating what you need from the relationship and asking the other person what their expectations are can help to set the record straight for both of you so you are both on the "same page" and can manage your expectations accordingly.

It may be worth exploring why you feel you get "too attached" in relationships and what is driving you to feel you can not fully move on, although you say you have tried.

It is important to take time out to focus on yourself and your own self-care and well-being, and try to put your self first.  It sounds like this situation is a little confusing for you, and although the person says she loves you she has avoided you for a week, this must be painful for you as this can be confusing and leave you unsure of the relationship status and unable to know where you stand. Perhaps clarifying what is going on for both of you would certainly help. 

Ask yourself would you avoid someone you say you love and how would you treat them. You deserve to be treated well by others.  If you are communicating on social media perhaps review your boundaries, could you take control by making the decision not to communicate or by removing the person from your friends list? Perhaps this will help with the distressing and confusion feelings of being avoided can bring. 

Can you surround yourself with good support, friends and family that understand and have your best interests at heart, taking time out to be with them can lighten your mood and help you feel connected to others. 

It is ok to feel bad about a relationship that does not appear to be going well, give yourself the time and space to feel and acknowledge this, your feelings are valid.   Some people like to write down their feelings and reflect on them, this can put things into perspective and can help with overcoming them and asking yourself what you really need and deserve from a loving partner. 

Therapy can help, talking this through with an independent person, being able to express your thoughts and feelings about this relationship with someone who can offer a safe space can be very therapeutic and help you to see a way through this. 

You do not give details in your question, however, I wonder if this feeling of getting too attached is something which you have experienced before, it may be helpful to reflect on how much investment you make in relationships and if you feel safe and cared for.  Are your feelings mutual  and do you feel you are making healthy relationship choices which are in your best interests now and in the future. Sometimes how we view ourselves and relationships can impact our ability to choose partners that are good for us and these patterns can repeat, exploring this in therapy may help us grow and understand ourselves. 

I wonder if you are ready to start putting some distance between you and the person to take care of yourself, this may be something you might like to consider, as every time contact is resumed this can possibly open up some old wounds and cause the stress and depression cycle all over again which can be painful and prolong these feelings for you. 

Try not to follow the person on social media as seeing them doing other things can be a reminder of them and add to the stress and anxiety you are experiencing.

I hope you can get some support to get through this and make some changes for yourself, you are worthy and deserve to be treated well, good luck in your journey.   Take care and reach out if you need further support. 

Julie