How can I make friends as I get older. I find it hard to connect with others.

Hi Tony,

There is no doubt that making friends becomes more difficult as we age.  Forced socialization opportunities like school and extra curricular activities largely evaporate.  COVID has only made socialization more difficult.

Acceptance and Commitment therapy list four main areas in life.  These are personal health (diet, exercise, and spirituality), relationships (romantic, family, friends), work/volunteer, and play (what you like to do for fun).  In this model there are some clues on how to make friends.  Try writing a paragraph about where you are in each of these four areas.  Next write a paragraph about where you want to be in these four areas.  Finally, if there is a difference, write one committed action you can take this week to help you get where you want to be. Committed actions should follow a SMART format (be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time based).

For example, if you want more friends, a committed action using a SMART goal might look something like this:

"I will look on the Meet Up web site for my town and see if there are any groups that I would be interested in attending by June 1."

After that deadline comes, set another committed action such as "I will attend one astronomy meet up group in June 2022."

Common interests are a great way to start a friendship.  In addition to looking on the Meet Up web site, you might google "DBT big list of pleasurable activities."  This list can be found on several web sites and provides a list of over 100 things to do for fun.

Joining organizations, volunteering, playing a sport, self help groups, animal recreation groups, athletic training groups, and attending a house of worship are other great ways to meet new people.  Is there something you've always wanted to do? Now is the time to try it!

Are there any old friends you'd like to reconnect with?  Facebook and LinkedIn can be great resources for reconnecting with people in our lives.  Whatever you choose to do, getting out there and introducing yourself is the way to go.  This may feel awkward and it is possible we may be rejected, but nothing ventured nothing gained.  As Wayne Gretzky once said, "I missed 100% of the shots I didn't take."

I wish you the best of luck in your search!

Sincerely,

Jim Grande, LCSW-R