How can I navigate this difficult time of shame, humiliation, and heartbreak with a better mind set?

There is definitely a lot to unpack here, and I wish I could say there was a quick and simple answer to your question "How can I navigate through this." I can see the struggle with your spouse - the feeling of failure, embarrassment and shame. I also see the sense of giving up that anything can change with your spouse and the helplessness you feel to do anything about that. Without knowing much about the relationship or your history together, or what the lashing out really looks like I cannot provide much in the way of specific assistance.  

Marriage is a commitment, not based entirely on feelings. It is action. It is effort, forgiveness and the willingness to start again. It takes two, absolutely. One person cannot hold the marriage together alone. It sounds like the commitment to a good, strong marriage is important to you.  It doesn't sound like he may fully grasp where you are at in this struggle. You are tired, and feeling helpless and hopeless. You are grieving the loss of your best friend and partner - your other half, and it seems to me he doesn't have a clue? Have you fully committed to a decision to divorce - or are you still clinging to the last thread hoping that you don't have to do it - it sounds like you still may have considerable feelings for him? 

Work issues seem to be the biggest gridlock that you are in together. You have turned away. I am not sure what you have tried in the sense of working through it together, but I do know that you will want to feel like you did everything possible to keep it together based on the importance marriage has in all your family. It appears that the two of you have become foes more than friends, viewing the other as the enemy. That makes reconciliation difficult. When struggles can be viewed as an attack on the "unit" you can work together towards resolution. There are usually two sides to every "wedge" in a relationship - and both parties need to be willing to explore and compromise to remove that wedge and rebuild.

Divorce is rarely easy. Two become one. No longer are there two separate entities, so divorce is like ripping a paper in half - it rarely is clean or easy, and will probably be painful. I am not sure if you have already made this decision fully, or are still contemplating it. It will be very important to weigh the costs of staying together and the costs of leaving. If you have already committed to one of those decisions, you will need support to get through it.

I am thankful that you reached out - and I hope that I have offered a little encouragement. I feel like I would really need to know more to really help you sort through your feelings, decision and action. Please reach out if you think that I could be of more assistance with more specific information.