How can I reconnect with myself and face this horrible relationship experience?

While the act of breaking up can often prove as being dramatic, the period of time that follows the breakup can seem lonely, painful, and endless to endure.  Whenever we enter into a relationship with someone, we accept that there is some risk involved.  However, we are always hopeful that a much higher reward will be yielded from our investment of time, energy, love, and mental resources.  In addition to the risk associated with becoming vulnerable and allowing another individual into our respective life, also exists changes associated with our identity.  Suddenly, our friends, family members, and work colleagues begin to associate us with our significant other. Truly, the longer we are with someone the more likely our identity becomes immersed with the person.  As a result, the breakup process becomes much more than the simple separation from another individual.  A breakup requires rediscovery, redefinition, and rebirth. 

Apart from the overall strength and resiliency that is required to heal from such a devastating experience, navigating the grief and loss cycle that often accompanies a breakup, demands courage and tenacity.  As the feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, anger, denial, bargaining, and depression seem to endlessly ensue within one's mind, hope can quickly begin to fade.  However, through the implementation of internal boundary formation techniques, one can eventually transmute the pain into something more life-giving. 

Practices such as thought stopping, fact checking, and perspective reframing can prove as being both preventative and restorative.  Additionally, engaging within meditational exercises that introduce self-compassion, empathy, self-worth, and acceptance into one's life can also prove as being helpful.  Checking in periodically with oneself and asking "How am I feeling?" and "What do I need?" inserts stability into a very formidable period of time.  Likewise, creating an accessible physical list, either on your phone or on paper, that details all of the reasons as to why the relationship did not work out, will help to curtail any cravings that might transpire. 

While the relationship is a part of your story, it is not a dominating chapter.  Sometimes it is important to remember that you are not defined by this past relationship and the relationship was not defined by yourself.  Giving yourself permission to release the heaviness will be soothing.  Be kind to yourself throughout this time and try to insert as many aspects of self-care as you can.