How can I work to form lasting and deep platonic relationships?

Hi Luna! Thank you for your question!

I'm Beverly Furstenberg, a licensed clinical social worker with BetterHelp and I am happy to give you some feedback and insight for your question.

You mentioned feeling quite irritable and impatient with your roommates/closest college friends recently. What I am curious about is this: what exactly has changed within these dynamics? Is this recent irritability and impatience a result of being in the new relationship? Sometimes the level of closeness we share with our friends can lessen when we are in a new relationship - because let's face it, a new relationship means you'll be spending more of your time (and energy and effort) with the potential love interest so that a connection, rapport and history can be established all the while getting to know that person well and figuring out your compatibilities and differences - so needless to say, this can create some distance within our friendships. 

If you feel that there is distance between you and your friends, for whatever reason, does that distance feel threatening to you? You might consider what the distance represents for you - fear of loss, abandonment, etc.

Is there any jealousy or resentment you're experiencing from your friends, whether glaringly obvious or covertly? This could definitely lead to being irritable and impatient with someone.

Another thing to consider: are your expectations or fears getting in the way of you being able to maintain multiple close relationships at once?

Speaking to your concern regarding another can of worms being opened by the new relationship - depending on how new this relationship is, it could be that infatuation is shining through. You know what I mean - it's a new relationship and you want to spend all your time with that person and you think about them nonstop and miss them terribly when you're away from them - so if all that resonates with you, then I would say to some degree it's probably normal to be relaxed and genuinely happy with them.

I do want to encourage you to work on the confidence and trust issues you pointed out - obviously for yourself but also for the health of this relationship and any other potential future relationship. Otherwise, these issues can create even bigger ones for you in your relationship(s) and ultimately prevent you from being happy. Codependency could also be a result of ongoing and long lasting confidence and attachment issues. Conversely, we can stand in our own way of being as close to others as we want to be because of our own fears/insecurities and history, therefore keeping people at arm's length distance, never letting anyone get too close, as a way to "protect" ourselves.

Best wishes to you & happy growing and healing,

Beverly