How can my partner and I communicate more effectively with such different communication styles?

Relationships can be tough/complicated and it is common for two people in a relationship to have different communication styles. Communication is an important part of any relationship, and it is completely reasonable to want to be able to navigate tough conversations/disagreements and to be able to have open and productive conversations with your husband.

PTSD can affect how someone responds to conflict, perceived conflict or potential conflict. Conflict, perceived conflict or potential can illicit a trauma response as trauma affects how one navigates and perceives the world around them. A trauma response can include hyperarousal (being on edge or reactive), which can include becoming angry, irritable or defensive. 

It can be helpful to set ground rules or "fair fighting" rules for any conversation that includes basic conduct of a conflict or potential conflict, such as: taking a break from the conversation when needed, no yelling or shouting, letting each person communicate without interruption, no talking over someone, and no stonewalling (shutting down or not participating in the conversation).  When the conflict becomes unproductive, it can also be helpful for each person to remove one's self from the conversation and take a break to be able to reflect on one's feelings, and re-enter the conversation when they feel like they are able to have a productive conversation.  The conversation should be re-visited, and not indefinitely delayed or postponed. 

It is helpful for each person to educate one's self on PTSD, including common symptoms and trauma responses as a way for each person to better understand each other.  It is ideal if the person that is experiencing PTSD has an understanding of their own trauma responses and what situations, events, issues, people, and places may elicit a trauma response. It is also important for both people to enter tough conversations by acknowledging where they are and how they are feeling.  If a person is feeling on edge or "keyed" up, it is important to internally acknowledge their feelings, and if ready and able, express their feelings to the other person.  It is often beneficial for a person to do something that may help to calm or relax them such as a mindfulness or grounding exercise before entering the conversation. The person that is experiencing PTSD may benefit from seeing a therapist or talking to a professional about their trauma history and work with the therapist to process and heal from the trauma and develop healthy coping strategies.